How to Talk With Your Boss When You Totally Disagree

Posted on July 29, 2019July 29, 2019 by David Dye | 6 Comments

Talk with your boss when you disagree—you might be surprised at the results.

I was seething. The CEO had just asked my team to do something that I felt lacked integrity, was unprincipled, manipulative, and put our clients in a bad position. On top of all that, it involved an external stakeholder with whom I had my own separate relationship. There was no way I could face my friend in this circumstance. But how do you talk with your boss when you radically disagree?

He was the CEO, and I was a team leader. What could I do?

When we lead workshops to help leaders lead courageous cultures and have tough conversations at work, the question of how to talk with your boss always comes up.

Why It’s So Hard to Talk with Your Boss

On paper it shouldn’t be that tough—just have a conversation and share your concerns. But if you’re like most people, talking to an executive, senior leader, or board member feels daunting.

Most of the time, when you fear to talk with your boss about an issue where you disagree, it’s because of the power they have over your employment. Self-preservation kicks in and you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that paycheck. That’s normal for most people.

The problem is, when you don’t speak up, you’re not advocating for your people and it limits your influence and reputation as a strategic thinker. Speaking up can be a career-building move when you do it well.

The good news is that with a few tools and a little practice, you can address both concerns and have meaningful conversations with leaders at every level of your organization.

Talk to Yourself First

As upset as you might be, don’t charge into your boss’s office and unload your righteous anger. That may feel good for a moment, but that’s a career-limiting move.

The first conversation is one you have with yourself.

Come back to the Winning Well model: start with your own confidence and humility—confidence to stand up for what matters and humility to recognize you don’t know what you don’t know (and you’re not as perfect a leader as you might feel). Focus on results and relationships. How can you approach the conversation to build the relationship and achieve meaningful results?

For me, it begins with reminding myself that the person I’m upset with didn’t wake up intending to ruin my day. They’re doing what makes sense to them.

My CEO had his reasons for the way he had approached the situation. I didn’t like what I saw and believed it was wrong, but I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t trying to be evil. Reminding yourself that there’s always another side to the conversation and that you don’t have all the information helps to lessen the grip of strong emotions.

Do Your Homework Before You Talk with Your Boss

What strategic objectives are at play? What data do you need to bring to the conversation? Learn as much as you can about the issue. You’re not complaining—you’re making a reasoned business case why your boss should consider another course of action.

Time to Talk with Your Boss

Create space for the conversation. If you have access to the person, schedule it. Catching them for three minutes in a hallway while overcoming interruptions and distractions doesn’t give you the best chance to talk.

To start the conversation, be direct and respectful. One of the most powerful openings you can use is to frame your concerns in terms of outcomes you know they value.

For instance, when I approached my CEO, I knew that he prized the organization’s reputation in the community. To start the conversation, I thanked him for the meeting and said, “I am concerned that we aren’t putting our best foot forward regarding the event next month.”

When you’re able to start the conversation about a topic that matters to them, you have a greater chance to be heard. Often, the other party will follow up with a question—after all, you’ve let them know that something they care about is at stake. That question allows you to share what’s on your mind.

This approach also helps you overcome the most common fear about how to talk to your boss when you disagree. By putting the discussion in terms of something they value, you are approaching them as a strategic partner, not as a complainer or antagonist. Even if they don’t agree with your perspective, they know you were trying to help.

Time to Listen

As you finish sharing your concerns, invite them into the conversation. It takes humility to acknowledge that—as right as you may feel—you don’t have all the information and you don’t know their perspective.

For example: “Those are my concerns. I’ve got some thoughts about how we can do this differently, but I’m curious about how the situation looks from your perspective and what I might not see.”

As they share, actively listen. Try to reflect what you’re hearing in your own words. Eg: “So our number one goal is to acquire new customers before our competitor launches their product, even if we need to temporarily reduce our response times to existing customers? Do I understand that correctly?”

From there, you may propose solutions that meet both of your goals.

When I spoke with my CEO, I was young and didn’t know how to do this. He was the one that brought it up. He said, “I hear what you’re saying and, although I don’t see the ethical concerns the same way you do, I also don’t want us to do anything that violates your ethics. How can we do this event in a way that achieves the purpose and that you would feel good about?”

It’s a smart question. You’ll often find the best solutions in answer to “How can we do A and B” when A and B seem to be mutually exclusive. When he asked this question, I came up with a way to meet his goals and satisfy my values.

Results and Relationship—but Not Always In That Order

Let’s be real: just because you approach the conversation this way, it doesn’t mean you will get the change you want.

You may get some, you may get all, or you may get nothing. Regardless, you’ve built a relationship that will help you be more influential—and you’ve learned more about your business from a senior leader’s viewpoint. That can inform your work, your decisions, and future conversations.

It’s also possible that you’ll discover a massive clash in values: an irresolvable difference that you just can’t be part of.

Excellent!

It may not be comfortable, but it’s better to know. Now you can make a conscious decision about your future—whether you’d be better off in a different role, different department, or a different company. Either way, you’ve come out ahead because you had the conversation.

And it might surprise you at how much influence you have when you take the time to have the conversation.

Your Turn

When you can have a healthy talk with your boss about areas of disagreement, you build your influence, clarify values, and become a more valuable strategic partner.

Leave us a comment and share: What’s your number one strategy to talk with your boss when you totally disagree? (We’d also love to hear a great story about a time you had the conversation and the results.)

How Leaders Can Master Tough Performance Conversations

Posted on July 5, 2019July 5, 2019 by David Dye | No Comments

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One of the most important leadership skills you’ll ever need is the ability to hold tough conversations – and do it well. Master tough conversations and your influence will soar. Most managers, however, never learn how to have tough conversations in a way that gets results and builds a better relationship. In this episode, find out why sandwich feedback is usually a horrible idea and how to use the INSPIRE model for conversations that work.

The Very Best Secret to Holding Tough Conversations (with video)

Posted on August 30, 2018August 27, 2018 by Karin Hurt David Dye | No Comments

So often when we’re asked to train teams on how to hold tough conversations, we find a deeper underlying issue that must be addressed first.

Has this ever happened to you?

Watch the Stage Version of this Story and Key Insights Here

The Very Best Secret to Holding Tough Conversations

Karin’s story.

I had promised to take pictures of my son, Ben’s, last marching band performance during his senior year of high school. This was a great job for me since I love my son and I hate sitting through an entire football game.

I raced into the parking lot just as the band was coming around the track during halftime, grabbed the camera, threw my high heels in the back seat, and ran down the grassy hill.

Thank goodness the band was just lining up on the far side of the track surrounding the football field. The sun was beginning to set, which I knew would make for perfect lighting.

I set up the tripod right on the fifty-yard line, adjusted the telephoto lens, and got some great shots: the mellophones doing their sideways stunt, some up-close headshots–I even made sure I got some great ones of his love interest crossing right in front of him.

I immediately went home to upload them to Photoshop for fine-tuning before he came home. I even put them into a powerpoint presentation. As soon as Ben walked in the door, I had him sit down for the show.

He watched unenthusiastically as I flipped through the shots.

“Hmmm. That one’s alright. Uh huh. Okay, what else you got?”

I finished the show and Ben asked, “Mom, did you get the guitar?”

“Huh? Benjamin, you play mellophone.”

“Mom, the band moves into a fantastic formation. It looks like a giant electric guitar right in time with the music. Did you get a picture of that?”

“Ughhhhh, no, I didn’t.”

I had completely missed the big picture.

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re working hard. Your team is working hard. You care. You have the tools. You want to do the right thing. And somehow you don’t meet expectations.

The #1 Secret to Tough Conversations: Avoid the Need For Them

What do you think I would have done if Ben had said, “Mom, no matter what, the most important thing is for you to get a picture of the guitar.”

I wouldn’t have been down at the fifty-yard line, with a telephoto lens, I would have been up in the bleachers with the panoramic setting on my phone.

I would have asked about the timing to ensure I didn’t miss it.

If communication is breaking down, start first by ensuring expectations are clear.

One good conversation about expectations prevents fourteen, “Why didn’t you?” conversations.

How to Communicate Remarkably Clear Performance Expectations

Executive Visits: 4 Strategic Approaches for Influence and Impact

The Simplest Way to Set Clear Expectations

Critical Thinking: 5 Ways to Improve Your Team’s Capacity to Think

How to Start Team Accountability When You Never Have Before

Posted on August 2, 2018August 27, 2018 by David Dye | 11 Comments

It’s never too late to begin team accountability.

“Karin and David, can I ask you a question?” We had just finished a keynote where we gave leaders the tools to have the tough conversations. Sarah, a middle-level manager, came up to talk to us, looking nervous. “I’ve been a pleaser manager my entire career, but I hear what you’re saying. It’s time for team accountability, but I don’t know what to do next. Where do I begin?”

What a great question, and one we hear frequently. If you’ve allowed your team to slide and have chosen being liked at the expense of achieving results, you’re not alone. In our surveys of managers, over 2/3 have a preference for getting along over getting results.

The good news is that when you recognize the need to practice team accountability, you can start with a few achievable steps. We have worked with many managers who have transformed their leadership from people-pleasing to human-centered results and accountability. Here are six steps you can take to transform your leadership and your team’s accountability when you haven’t done it before:

Take responsibility

Before starting a new initiative, it’s vital to let your team know what you’re doing. You are a role model for everything that happens going forward so you need to demonstrate accountability right now.

You can say something like: “I haven’t been the best leader in this area. Frankly, I’ve preferred being liked over achieving the results we’re here to achieve. I haven’t done the best job when it comes to accountability, but that changes today. I owe it to you and we owe it to one another and we owe it to our customers.”

You don’t want to say this unless you’re serious about making a change. When you take responsibility and reset expectations, can massively improve your credibility and role model what it looks like to make a positive change. At the same time, if you aren’t serious and don’t back up your words with actions, your credibility will suffer.

Reset Expectations

The word “accountability” can be scary to your team, particularly when you haven’t talked about it or practiced team accountability in the past. Take time to talk about it. Be clear about what success looks like going forward.

Eg: “Accountability doesn’t mean beating people up for poor performance, it means we’re going to keep our commitments to one another. When we do, we will acknowledge it. When we don’t, we will work to understand why and what to do next time (or to make it right, now).”

You may need to reframe or emphasize the values you’re working from. For example: The team’s success is more important than our individual discomfort and when you don’t hold me or one another accountable, you’re hurting the team and the people we serve.”

Finally, start small. Try confidence-burst strategy for accountability. Pick a time period between two team meetings. Eg: “For the next 10 days we’re going to practice accountability. We’re going to keep our commitments to one another, and when we don’t, we’re going to address it directly.”

Equip Everyone with the Basics of Team Accountability

Unless they’ve been part of a highly effective team in the past, most team members won’t have the skills to hold one another accountable. You will need to teach them to Ditch the Diaper Drama and share the INSPIRE model with them. Here is a quick refresher on the INSPIRE model:

I – Initiate: Create space for the conversation.

N – Notice: Make an observation of the behavior in question. Eg: “I noticed that you didn’t bring the report you committed to…”

S – Support: Offer supporting evidence as needed.

P – Probe: Ask “What’s going on?” or a similar question that brings them into the conversation.

I – Invite: Ask them how they can remedy the situation.

R – Review: Check for understanding to ensure you have understood their commitment.

E – Enforce: Set a follow-up meeting when you will both check to see you’ve kept your commitment.

Reinforce expectations

If your team is a rock band, you are the drummer. Keep the new accountability commitment in front of them. For this accountability confidence burst you can literally review it daily. Remind everyone what you’re doing. This is the MIT (Most Important Thing.)

Celebrate every success

You get more of what you celebrate and encourage so be on the lookout for acts of accountability, especially when a team member holds YOU accountable. Stop the meeting, congratulate them, draw attention to it, encourage and celebrate the team for holding one another (or you) accountable. Then return to the meeting.

Practice accountability about accountability

This is a powerful opportunity to reinforce new behaviors. When the team doesn’t practice accountability, stop the meeting. “We’ll get back to the sales strategy in a minute, but first we need to talk about what happened. I noticed that I didn’t bring the data I said I would – and no one said anything. What’s going on?” You’re using the INSPIRE model to reinforce that they didn’t hold you accountable – and they should.

Your Turn

It’s never too late to begin practicing team accountability. When you take responsibility, reset expectations, equip your team to practice accountability, and celebrate as you practice new behaviors together, you create a foundation for transformational and breakthrough results.

Leave us a comment and share your best strategy to start practicing team accountability when you never have before.

The Art of the Tough Conversation: A Frontline Festival

Posted on July 19, 2018July 19, 2018 by Karin Hurt David Dye | No Comments

Welcome to the Let’s Grow Leaders Frontline Festival on the art of the tough conversation. We asked thought leaders from around the world to share their very best post on this topic.

Thanks to Joy and Tom Guthrie of Vizwerx Group for the great pic and to all our contributors!

Next month’s Frontline Festival is a special edition celebrating our new book for kids, Glowstone Peak. We welcome contributions related to courage (in conflict or in other situations), influence, and hope. You also have a special opportunity to submit a 30-second video offering advice to children. We’ll create a montage on these themes!

New contributors are always welcome. Submit your relevant blog posts and videos here!

The Art of the Tough Conversation

Sophie Blumenthal of Resume Library provides How to Decline a Job Offer. This piece elaborates on the process of declining a job offer, which can be an awkward conversation. It offers tips and advice to ensure the conversation can be an easy and positive interaction. Follow Sophie.

Ronni Hendel of InsightOut Leadership gives us “Strong opinions, lightly held,” a shorthand for a way of approaching difficult conversations that open up the possibility of both advocating and inquiring–of being both committed and open. This is a critical tool in our “difficult conversations” toolkit. Follow Ronni.

Molly Page of Thin Difference offers Improvise Our Way to Common Ground. Would the world be a better place if we all used a little more, “Yes, and…” in our conversations? Perhaps. Looking to improv techniques can be a great way to navigate a tough conversation and find common ground. Follow Molly.

Silence is one of the great arts of conversation. – Marcus Tullius Cicero

Rachel Blakely-Gray of Patriot Software, LLC provides Five Tips for Handling Difficult Conversations at Work Like a Pro. Difficult conversations are bound to come up in business. Use these tips to master the art of the tough conversation and remain professional, graceful, and respectful during the talk. Follow Rachel.

LaRae Quy of LaRaeQuy.com gives us Four FBI Tips on How to Handle Awkward Conversations. When discussions go to hell in a hand basket, they quickly turn into a fight. Psychologists say that our brain is wired for war; our point of view has been attacked if we disagree with someone. Follow LaRae.

Lisa Kohn from Chatsworth Consulting Group provides, How to Handle the Elephant in the Middle of the Living Room. She shares ways to help your team coax out and address the “inconvenient truths” that can get in the way of successful – and enjoyable – relationships, projects, and business outcomes. Follow Lisa.

A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years mere study of books. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Paula Kiger of Big Green Pen wrote, The Power of Simply Saying What You Mean. It can be difficult to start a conversation if the topic is tense, controversial, or otherwise difficult to bring up. Sometimes getting started is as simple as “tell me more about that.” Follow Paula.

Julie Winkle Giulioni of DesignArounds offers An Argument for Conflict. What Julie refers to as ‘dysfunctional politeness’ costs organizations dearly in terms of dollars, but it also takes an enormous human toll; disappointment, mistrust, frustration, and disengagement. What’s needed instead is constructive conflict. This post offers three steps for cultivating it. Follow Julie.

Shelley Row of Shelley Row Associates gives us The Facts Speak for Themselves. Do They? In this post Shelley shares about the sometimes-tough conversations we have to persuade people toward a particular option. Follow these tips for more success. Follow Shelley.

The Winning Well I.N.S.P.I.R.E. model for tough conversations.

The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation – or a relationship. – Deborah Tannen

David Grossman of The Grossman Group provides Leadership Communication: Six Steps to Handling Tough Conversations. It’s a given; having tough conversations and communicating difficult topics is part of a leader’s job. Just like you plan for contingencies in your business, planning how you will communicate difficult messages can improve the ultimate outcome. Think through and prepare your approach in advance with these six steps. Follow David.

Paul LaRue of The UPwards Leader gives us How to Talk about the Elephant in the Room. The most difficult conversations are the topics no one wants to broach due to fear or convenience. Here’s how to break through to talk about it before it wrecks your organization. Follow Paul.

Wally Bock of Three Star Leadership provides Three Secrets of Better Performance Conversations. Here are three ways you can take a lot of the discomfort out of performance conversations and make them more effective. Follow Wally.

There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees. – Michel de Montaigne

Ken Downer of Rapid Start Leadership provides Seeking Discomfort: 7 Ways to Embrace Uncomfortable Often we find ourselves compelled to give critical feedback to others, but what about receiving it? If we are to grow personally and lead well, we need to seek out feedback that may not be easy to hear. Feedback Follow Ken.

Nate Regier of Next Element Consulting offers Balance vs. Agility. Balance is a great goal, but it’s not the end goal. Why? Because change is the constant. Balance is about homeostasis, and homeostasis is fleeting. Follow Nate.

Jackie Stavros of Lawrence Technological University offers How Do Your Conversations Feel? Conversations are a crucial part of everything we do. How do we turn a tough conversation to a conversation worth having? Conversations worth having uses Appreciative Inquiry to fuel productive and meaningful change that creates an environment that works for all! Follow Jackie.

Beth Beutler of H.O.P.E. Unlimited provides How to Communicate with Non-Responsive People. Sometimes the tough part of a conversation is actually getting it started if the person you are trying to reach tends not to be responsive. Here are some tips. Follow Beth.

Your Turn.

Please feel free to share your favorite links to tough conversation advice in the comments below.

5 Top Leadership Articles for the Week of November 6, 2017

Posted on November 11, 2017November 13, 2017 by David Dye | 1 Comment

Each week I read leadership articles from various online resources and share them across social media. Here are the five leadership articles readers found most valuable last week. Click on the title of the article to read the full text. I have added my comment about each article and would like to hear what you think, too.

How to Handle Tough Performance Conversations by Wally Bock

For a couple of decades, I began every supervisory skills class by asking the participants what they wanted to learn most. “How to talk to team members about behavior and performance” was always at the top of the list. Here’s what you need to know if you want to do that part of your job well.

My Comment: This issue continues to be both one of the most sought-after leadership development skills as well as the hallmark of effective teams and organizations that succeed in their work. Bock does a great job laying out important aspects including the vital need to build a relationship with your team members long before you’ve got to have a tough performance conversation. I’d also call attention to what he calls “the really hard part:” being quiet. As we’ve shared the Winning Well INSPIRE model for holding coaching and accountability conversations, many organizations are reporting back that when they ask what’s going on and invite the other party to come up with solutions – and then be quiet – they are seeing tremendous results. The people involved come up with better solutions that they own and then implement.

The Secret to Employee Engagement Isn’t About Your Employees by Ryan Westwood

Creating a healthy company culture is my passion. It began with the development of my first technology company, PC Care Support, and it has continued throughout my work with Simplus. As I study the online performance reviews of competing businesses, I have noticed something interesting: while companies offer incredible benefits like personal budgets for employee development training, free doughnuts, and gym passes, the reviews for some of these companies are poor.

Studies show that companies spend about $270 million per year on employee engagement strategies. “But approximately 63 percent of U.S. employees aren’t fully engaged in their work,” says Forbes writer William Craig. Here’s what I’ve found: If you want a great culture and true employee engagement, provide benefits that positively impact not just your employees but, more importantly, those whom they love.

My Comment: No work perk will ever overcome poor leadership or a bad culture. If you really want good employee engagement, build a clear strategy that helps them to win, generate ongoing wins, and cultivate awesome leadership at every level. Westwood’s suggestions are strong ways to focus your benefits – his suggestions communicate to your employees that you see them as a human being, that you are aware they have a life beyond the workplace, and that you care about those things. That said, even those types of perks will only be valued when they’re offered from a foundation of good leadership and a positive workplace culture. Otherwise, great benefits can’t help engage people with their work.

Speaking of Leadership: Speak Your Words by Scott Mabry

That moment you realize that the words coming out of your mouth belong to someone else.

I remember one of those moments. I sat across a table from the new CEO. Just the two of us. His question felt like a fist to my stomach.

“What do you think about the new team?”

To be honest I don’t even remember all the details of the conversation. I just remember I didn’t speak the truth. Oh, I tried to toss out a few subtle hints but in the end, I bailed and told him what I thought he wanted to hear. I spoke his words, not mine.

This was mostly because I didn’t trust him. Many of new the team members were people he had handpicked and that worked with him at his prior companies. To say anything critical seemed dangerous.

My Comment: I think we’ve all been there. Perhaps because you were scared. Or you didn’t yet know what you thought. Or perhaps you were trying to manipulate the situation. Regardless, you can’t lead without owning your voice and having the confidence and skill to speak your truth. Speak the truth compassionately. It doesn’t always mean you’ll get your way, but your confidence and influence will grow, as will others’ respect for you.

The #1 Killer of Change by John Thurlbeck at Lead Change Group.

I recently had a great catch up with my younger brother and youngest sister over a meal in their favorite local restaurant. Our conversation was free-ranging, covering a multiplicity of subjects.

However, a part of that conversation with my brother struck the deepest chords and prompted my thoughts in this post.

He works for a large national, not-for-profit organization in the UK, and it is mired in yet another major restructuring process, driven, as ever, by dwindling funding. The current process has been on-going for months.

My brother has worked for this organization for many years, and it appears to me that ‘change’ for this organization is an ever-present, as it strives to find the ‘best’ solution to delivering on its agenda. However, the current change process must be at least the fifth or sixth such process in about the past eight or so years.

Why so much change with so little apparent effect?

My Comment: Early in my career I would watch, amazed, as people I knew to be decent human beings, who were fairly self-aware and understood on-the-ground realities, would get into leadership roles and seem to change into unaware user managers. As I share in Winning Well, I’ve also had employees come and point out to me that I had undergone the same transformation and was not acting in line with my own values. What happens that causes these changes?

There are several reasons, but among them is the issue Thurlbeck brings up: groupthink. It’s a failure of all members to think critically and independently analyze an issue. It’s human nature to think that ‘enough of us can’t be wrong,’ but it happens all the time. We invite you to Channel Challengers – to find your truth-tellers and intentionally introduce different opinions. To consciously ask yourselves to “Own the UGLY” and explore the silent places that may be eroding your effectiveness or the opportunities that are right in front of you, but invisible until you seek them out.

Practical Tips to Practice Empathy by Shubha Apte

I recently read the book Hit Refresh by Satya Nadella.

What stuck with me is the episode he narrates about a question that he was asked while interviewing with Microsoft.

Here is what the story says…

Satya Nadella was asked this question when he wanted to be part of Microsoft.

“Imagine you see a baby laying in the street, and the baby is crying. What do you do?” he asked.

“You call 911,” I replied without much forethought.

Richard walked me out of his office, put his arm around me, and said, “You need some empathy, man. If a baby is laying on a street crying, pick up the baby.”

It is interesting how a CEO of a large company like Microsoft talks about empathy and its importance.

Empathy is considered the most important skill to have in the corporate world. People at all levels in the corporate hierarchy need to have this skill. With so much technological disruptions taking place in the digital global world, the human quality, Empathy becomes crucial.

My Comment: There is all-too-human tendency to reduce people from full human beings deserving of dignity and respect to their function. They go from being “Susan”, who has two kids, an ailing mom, and loves Italian food, and “Chase”, who is engaged, flies drones on the weekends, and wants to make a difference in the world to being “the reps.”

When we reduce people from their humanity to their role, we lose the connection we need to be effective leaders. The antidote to this reduction is empathy. Connect, pay attention, reflect what you hear. It only takes a few moments to cultivate that connection and restore someone’s humanity.

Your Turn

What thoughts do these articles bring to mind? Do you see something differently than the author? Did you have a favorite leadership article this week? Leave us a comment and let’s hear from you.

Frontline Festival-April 2013: Feedback and Coaching Edition

Posted on April 19, 2013April 19, 2013 by Karin Hurt | 6 Comments

This month’s Frontline Festival is all about Feedback and Coaching. I am delighted by the outpouring of submissions. It’s an amazing line-up.

Courageous Feedback

Lolly Daskal, encourages us to take some risks in giving feedback in her post, We Need a Courageous Conversation “In most organizations, and in our relationships, we’re all so busy being polite with everyone that we’re either not aware of the breakdown, afraid of the breakdown, or avoiding it altogether. We kid ourselves into thinking that if we don’t deal with it, maybe it will go away. When we fail to engage and say what we honestly think and feel, our business performance will suffer. When what “goes unsaid” is not being said, our relationships will fail.” She offers, 10 approaches, my favorite is number 7.

Blair Glesser takes a different stance in, Honestly Speaking, encouraging us to think well about if, when, and how we should offer feedback. She concludes, “Often the whole issue of whether or not to be honest dissipates when you tune in and connect with your heart. Your heart knows exactly what needs to be said and when, and it never is about the shallow stuff. Its feedback is always geared to bring more love to yourself, your loved ones and the world.”

Susan Mazza wins the prize for the post that made me cry (I won’t tell you why, just read it). In The Ultimate Source of Empowerment . “People always have a choice even if they do not see that they do. A critical role of every leader is to bring people to choice.”

Encouraging Feedback

Dan McCarthy gives fantastic advice on encouraging feedback in, 10 Ways to Get More Feedback (and 5 Ways if You Can’t Really Handle the Truth). The best part is the 5 Ways to protect yourself against unwanted feedback. “I once had a VP tell me “I hate feedback”. I had to admire his honesty. Actually, a lot of us do, we just won’t admit it. So, if you really don’t want to find out about your weaknesses, and would prefer to keep your head blissfully buried in the sand, then use any or all of these 5 methods.” Perhaps you know someone who needs this post.

David Dye shares 6 practical ways to encourage more feedback from your team in his post, 6 Ways to Not Walk Naked Down the Street. I can’t help but wonder what search terms brought folks to that title 😉 The best point, “It may take time, but if you begin asking for the truth, showing gratitude for input, and responding to it, you will earn trust, gain credibility, and have the information you need to make the best decisions.”

In her post, What it Means for Leaders to Show Up, Wendy Appel explains that encouraging feedback starts with how we “show up.” Ask yourself,” how do I show up?” Am I present? Do people feel and experience my availability to be there for them or am I distracted, on to the next thing, focused on what I want to say; the point I want to make, forcing an outcome I think is best?” I like this one because it’s advice packaged for daily use.

Robyn McLeod. of Chatsworth Consulting asks Are You Getting Honest Feedback? And then, offers 4 Ways to ensure you receive it. “To get the feedback you need, you have to encourage and invite feedback from others so they know it is OK to be honest with you. This ASK FOR IT model offers tips on how to do that”

Coaching

Dan Rockwell shares 3 reasons you need a “coach” in 5 Sure Fire Ways to Spot a Great Coach, and then teaches us how to know one when we see one. Great, practical advice. A must read. My favorite, “Your ideas seem right because they’re yours – you need tough questions.” Dan’s got good ones.

I love this practical post from Jennifer Miller, Should You Give Advice or Coach? “Giving advice is saying what you would do. It makes the conversation about you. Coaching helps people decide what they are going to do which is a far more powerful outcome.” The best part, she tells us how to do it.

Brian Smith shares Leadership Lessons: When Mistakes are Made Create a Teachable Moment. Although I might debate his reference to a roast beef sandwich as a healthy choice, his metaphor works. The best point, “You need to be able to separate the act (What the person did) from the person they are. (You’re OK; it’s what you did that isn’t.)”

“Being a good coach means putting others before yourself and always making decisions for the good of the team.” Here are a few tips from Tom Walter in his post, How to Be a Good Coach: Tips for Employee Focused Leaders. Some practical, easy to apply principles for front line leaders.

How to Give Feedback

In his post, Give Frequent and Useful Feedback, Wally Bock advocates for frequent feedback. “Problems are like dinosaurs. They’re easy to kill when they’re small. But if you let them grow up they can eat you.” Don’t make feedback a once-a-year event. Make it frequent. Don’t make it an ego trip. Make it helpful.

Eric Dingler shares How to Make Feedback a G.I.F.T. by making it Genuine, Immediate, Friendly and Tailored. You’ve got to read his list of very practical suggestions. Eric’s posts are always actionable. His approach works.

Jon Mertz shares a sentiment I am considering painting on my office door, “Life is too short for unproductive drama and spoiled relationship,” in his post Go Hard on the Issue, Soft on the Person: 5 Leadership Ideas. He shares 5 practical tips to make that happen.

Jonathan Green, AKA Monster Leader, shares how to coach to REALLY tough conversations in his post, Dude You Stink: Coaching to Odor Issues. I know this guy. If you had to have anyone tell you that you smell, you would want it to be him.

This one’s fun and powerful. Ted Guloien of MU Field Management Research shares Giving Performance Feedback on American Idol. My favorite point, “Concentrate on and attend to the other person, and not so much on your own feelings, fears or anxieties about providing feedback.”

Alli Polin explains why we all hate performance reviews in her post, Performance Reviews Don’t Have to Suck. My favorite thought, “They suck because they’re more about process than the person.” Often true. Alli shows how you can do it better.

Feedback doesn’t work in shallow relationships. Joseph LaLonde explains that it starts with building real communication in his post, The Power of Real Communication. “It involves taking the time to get to know the employees. Finding out their dreams and passions. If things are going well at work. If their job is still fulfilling.”

Recognition as Feedback

Tanveer Naseer asks Are You Following These 3 Rules For Giving Feedback? He also shares the how to use the recognition more strategically as feedback. My favorite line, “feedback should make you hungry to achieve more.” Let it be so.

Greg Richardson highlights the importance of substantive recognition as a feedback strategy in his post, On Recognition. The best point, foster peer recognition, “Receiving tangible recognition from a peer can be much more meaningful for many people than anything a manager can say.”

Personal Feedback

Peter Friedes shares an activity and an opportunity for a free assessment to help work with your blind spot in, Find Your Blind Spot: A Self-Reflection Activity For Managers

Jesse Lynn Stoner, asks a vital question in her post, Are You a Team in Name Only? “Do you really want a team?” A great example of feedback using provocative questions. Ask tough questions gets to root cause.

In his post, Start With the End in Mind, Mark Miller encourages us to look 30 years out to plan for success in 5 key areas of our lives (he’s also looking or a clean “F” word that means influence if you have any suggestions). He suggests you spend an 8 hour day planning (and giving yourself feedback) on how you’re doing in each of these areas as you make your plan.

Chery Cegelman writes Leaders are You a Candle or a Beacon? She encourages us to be in a constant state of self-feedback, “As you think through the meetings you have scheduled this week. Do you need to be a candle or a beacon?”

Next month’s Frontline Festival’s Topic is Trust and Transparency. Submissions due May 10th. The Festival will go live May 17th.