Frustrated that they “just don’t get it?” You have a chance to lead and overcome a failure to communicate.
Nearly every leader weโve ever worked with feels it. Those moments where the thread of understanding seems to unravel, leaving you feeling exasperated and silently screaming “Don’t they understand?” (or sometimes not so silently). At their core, these moments of frustration are an opportunity to lead and solve an all-too-common problem: failure to communicate.
Turning Frustration into Opportunity
When you find yourself frustrated, asking, โDon’t they understand? Doesn’t my boss get it? Doesn’t that senior leader know what impact they’re having here?โ or, โDoesn’t the team understand why we’re doing what weโre doing?โ – the answer is almost always โNo, they don’t get it. They donโt fully understand.โ
The alternative is that they understandโtheyโre fully aware of the situation and the consequences of their decisionsโand they made their choice, anyway. Sometimes this happens. But you donโt want to assume that youโve got the full pictureโor that they do. Those assumptions are often at the core of our failure to communicate well with one another.
In those moments, itโs worth your effort to understand your leaders’ or your team’s decision-making if you can. You may gain a strategic insight, a longer-term focus than you had. Or you may find a problem you didn’t know about. You might discover your leaders or your team have a very different set of values and you should start planning a change.
But most often, when you feel frustrated and ask, โDonโt they get it?โ The answer is โno, they donโt.โ
As a leader, manager, and team member, you stand at a crossroads every time this question arises. The path you take will either lead to more frustration or to better collaboration.
When You Experience a Failure to Communicate
Imagine a senior leader shifts a process without input from you or your team. It’s easy to feel overlooked and to wonder, “How could they not see the full picture?” And if you want to be a โteam playerโ you might feel like you must just say โyesโ and add it to the long list of impossible tasks you already face.
But thatโs not quite true. You still have an opportunity (and responsibility) to say something. To ask questions, understand the goals, and help your leaders understand the realities confronting your team.
When change cascades and frustration mounts, remember that silence solves nothing. Start the conversation. You have information they need. Share the trade-offs and consequences of decisions. If additional hours, resources, or shifts in priority are necessary, voice it.
You might phrase it in terms of a current choice. For example, โAs we incorporate this change, here are the opportunities we have. We can adjust our KPIs for the next several weeks to accommodate the new process and time it will take to adapt it. Or we can resource differentlyโperhaps add people. Or we can do extra hours or overtime.โ
When you have the option of more hours or intense effort, you want to voice that. Itโs not a choice you can make too often before people burn out, leave, or quality suffers. So donโt assume itโs the only answer. It is a choice among others.
Your insights are the missing puzzle pieces that can complete the bigger picture for those who may not see it fully.
Own Your Leadership
Leadership isn’t about quiet compliance; it’s about courageous conversations. By communicating effectively, youโre not just passing along information; you’re advocating for your team, your customer, and for the success of the project.
Being a team player doesn’t mean saying “yes” at the cost of your team’s well-being. It means taking a stance, proposing solutions, and being the buffer that absorbs shockwaves from above, not merely a conduit for them. When you lay out the implications of decisions and suggest alternatives, you do more than share informationโyou guide it.
What if the response is an unreasonable expectation of overworking your team indefinitely? Then you, as a leader, are at a juncture to advocate for sustainability, to signal that while the crisis may call for short-term sacrifices, the ‘normal’ must always respect human limits.
What About Your Team or Skip-Level Frustrations?
If you have to ask, “Doesn’t my team get it?” they probably donโt.
They may not realize the importance of the issue. Often, the โwhyโ behind actions and decisions got lost in translation. Or they donโt trust that it will last and so donโt want to waste their time. Or theyโre struggling to do the thing.
Whatever the reason, thereโs a failure to communicate and you can fix it. Begin by clarifying the why – what’s the reason for the request. Then check in on their understanding and ability to do it. They may need training. Or encouragement. Or a little accountability. (For more about how to have the conversation your team member needs now, check out the Confidence-Competence Model.)
If youโre a senior leader talking with people two or three levels removed, youโll have the same frustrations.
Once again, if you have to ask, โDonโt they get it?โ the answer is โno.โ
Often, the first part of your communication to go missing is the โwhy.โ You were busy and told your managers on the โwhat,โ assuming that they would fill in the blanks for their teams. But they didnโt fully get the โwhyโ either and in their hurry to get things done, they simplify it and just pass through the โwhat.โ
Now you have people working without purpose, just doing what theyโre told. Or you have frustrated people who grudgingly follow instructions but wonder why in the world they must do this?
If there’s misunderstanding, gently share the missing information with the employee, then reach out to their manager. Do a โcheck for understandingโ to see how well they’ve got it. Fill in their gaps as needed, then reinforce the need for them to communicate fully with their team. Encourage your leaders to engage their teams not only in the “what” but also in the rich texture of the “why.”
Your Turn: Addressing a Failure to Communicate
In the end, each “Don’t they understand?” is a call to leadership. To take responsibility and figure out where there was a failure to communicate. Either on your part or theirs. And either way, what you can do to improve the communication and ensure everyone has the information you do.
Your senior leaders wonโt always make the choice you would. And you wonโt always make the choice your team would make. And that’s okay. Ensure that you understand the โwhy.โ Clearly take ownership for and communicate the tradeoffs. Youโll build more effective collaboration and gain a reputation as a leader who people can trust.
Weโd love to hear from you: when โtheyโ just donโt get it, how do you constructively address the failure to communicate?
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