Winning Well Connection
Justin and I were introduced to one another through a common connection who just knew we needed to know one another based on our values-based approach to leadership. One thing led to another, and in a few weeks, I’m delighted to be keynoting at his Lead USA event in South Bend, Indiana and simulcast (learn more about the event here).
I’m impressed by Justin’s confident humility–executing on an impressive vision for a rock-star event that grows each year, along with the humility to find new ways to serve.
One simple tactic to give your team an edge.
Sometimes a leader needs to be the hammer. You strike a nail to put it in its proper place so that it can hold a structure together for decades. Other times you need to be the nail. Allow the hammer to strike you so that you can effectively support the structure. It’s impossible for the hammer to hold the structure together alone…the nail is his only hope. It’s also impossible for the nail to have any real impact or value to the home without being struck. Bad hammers ruin good nails. Bad nails get bent over the smallest swings.
Refuse to be offended today. Great leaders must strike the issues that disrupt progress and great team members need to be mature enough to receive the strike. When nails leave their place, the house falls apart. When hammers refuse to swing, nothing gets built. A bent nail eventually gets thrown away. A hammer that refuses to be swung is simply a paperweight.
The Brutal Truth
Taking offense or not taking offense is a choice. Each time a comment is directed at you or each time someone sends an email…you have a choice. We forget that fact. Offense is a choice. It’s a decision to allow yourself to become angry, bitter, resentful, hateful, etc.
What does it mean to take offense? You allowed another human being to get underneath your skin.
Here are the synonyms of the word “offense”: annoyance, anger, resentment, indignation, irritation, exasperation, wrath, displeasure, animosity, vexation, ill feelings, disgruntlement, rage.
The problem with taking offense is that we think it will make us feel better about the situation. Or that being offended allows us to get back at that person. But the simple truth is this: We are the ones that are harboring all this negative energy. It’s bottled inside of you. When you allow yourself to become offended, you begin to let anger, resentment, wrath, animosity, indignation to live inside your body. Carry “OFFENSE” inside you long enough and you are sure to show some physical & emotional symptoms due to the stress and pressure that it brings.
The Antidote to Being Offended
When you are offended, you are thinking and focusing on yourself. When you are offended, you feel as though someone is attacking you personally and it’s easy to let your emotions take over. The root of offense is PRIDE. Offense happens because you are thinking too highly of yourself. The ROOT problem of getting OFFENDED by others or being OFFENSIVE to others is PRIDE.
Humility is the antidote that will cure your disease of pride. In Good to Great, Jim Collins writes about the Level 5 Executive. Extreme Humility is one of the two character traits of leaders that take their companies from Good to GREAT. Pat Lencioni writes about humility in his book, The Ideal Team Player. He says there are three virtues that create the best team members: Humble, Hungry and Smart. Out of the three, he says that being HUMBLE is the most important virtue of the three. Proverbial wisdom even tells you that God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble.
Pride kills team chemistry. Pride creates silos. Pride is what causes leaders to think too highly of themselves. Humility changes your perspective. Humility causes your focus to go from ME to WE…..from “WHAT DO I THINK IS THE RIGHT STEP?” to “WHAT DO WE THINK IS THE RIGHT STEP?” from “WHAT DECISION WILL MAKE ME LOOK GOOD?” to “WHAT DECISION WILL MAKE US ACHIEVE OUR GOAL?”
A simple “Google” search definition of humility: A modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness. As you practice the virtue of humility, you will become less and less offended by others and more and more concerned about helping others and your team succeed. While this may not be a quick fix, humility allows you and your team to build a dynamic culture that will improve your team’s level of trust, transparency, and ability to solve complicated problems with others.
TAKE ACTION TODAY:
- What can you do to live and lead with more humility at work and at home?
- What relationships are at risk due to bitterness and offense?
- What specific actions using humility can rebuild these key relationships?
Refuse to be offended by choosing to live with humility each day.
Winning Well Reflection
In Winning Well workshops, as leaders lower their guard and begin to discuss the real issues they face every day, one that inevitably comes up is what to do with people who get angry, upset, or offended when you truly haven’t done anything inappropriate. We appreciate Justin’s answer here: humility. We frequently invite leaders to remember that you are not the center of anyone else’s universe. People’s behavior is generally about them, not about you. The exception, of course, is when you have treated someone inappropriately, broken your word, or hurt someone. Having the humility to own your behavior and apologize is just as important to build trust and enhance your relationships.