how to lead a meeting make effective decisions

How to Lead a Meeting and Make Effective Decisions

Lead a Meeting that Gets Results by Clarifying Who Owns the Decision

“This is so stupid—you asked for my opinion and then ignored it. I don’t know why I even bother! From now on, I’m just going to shut my mouth and do my work.” If you’ve heard this or said it yourself, you’ve experienced a critical mistake many managers make when they lead a meeting: lack of clarity around decision ownership.

If your meetings aren’t working, look at your clarity of decision-making. Fuzzy decision-making leads to frustrating meetings.

People hate feeling ignored. Unfortunately, when you ask for input and appear to ignore it, employees feel frustrated, devalued, and powerless. In contrast, when you are clear about who owns the decision and how it will be made, people will readily contribute, the team can collaborate, and are far more likely to own the outcome. Clear decision-making improves results and relationships.

Four Ways to Make a Decision When You Lead a Meeting

This isn’t difficult, because there are only four ways to make a decision when you lead a meeting:

1. A single person makes the decision.

Typically, this would be the manager or someone she appoints.

In this style of decision-making, you might ask your team for input and let them know that after hearing everyone’s perspective, you will make the decision.

2. A group makes the decision through a vote.

This might be a 50-percent-plus-one majority or a two-thirds majority, but in any case, it’s a decision by vote. With this option, you ask everyone to contribute input, and they know that the decision will be made by a vote at a specific time.

3. A team makes the decision through consensus.

Consensus decision-making is often misunderstood. Consensus decision-making means that the group continues the discussion until everyone can live with a decision. It does not mean everyone got his or her first choice, but that everyone can live with the final decision. Consensus decision-making can take more time and often increases everyone’s ownership of the final decision.

4. Fate decides.

You can flip a coin, roll the dice, draw from a hat, etc. There are times where flipping a coin is the most efficient way to make a decision. When time is of the essence, the stakes are low, and pro-con lists are evenly matched, it’s often good to just pick an option and go. For example, if you have 45 minutes for a team lunch, it doesn’t make any sense to spend 30 minutes discussing options. Narrow it down to a few places, flip a coin, and go.

Each way of deciding has advantages, but what’s most important is to be very clear about who owns the decision.

Start With How

When that frustrated person said, “You asked for my opinion and then ignored it. I don’t know why I even bother!” he was under the impression that the team would decide by vote or consensus when in reality it was the leader’s decision. This type of confusion wastes tons of precious time and energy and sucks the soul from your team.

The next time you lead a meeting, take time before the discussion begins to state how the decision will be made. You get yourself in trouble (not to mention that it’s unfair, disempowering, and quite soulless) if you suggest a vote and then change back to “I’ll decide” when you think the vote won’t go your way.

Before discussion begins, be clear about who owns the decisions. How will this decision be made?

Be specific. For example, you might begin a decision-making session by saying, “Okay, I’d like to spend the next 40 minutes getting everyone’s input, and then I’ll make the decision.”

Or, you might describe the decision to be made and say, “We’re not going to move forward until everyone can live with the decision.”

You might even combine methods and say, “We will discuss this decision for 30 minutes. If we can come to a consensus by then, that would be great. If not, we’ll give it another 15 minutes. After that, if we don’t have consensus, I’ll take a final round of feedback and I’ll choose, or we’ll vote.”

You save yourself grief, misunderstanding, and hurt feelings when everyone knows up front how the decision will be made. You also empower your people to be more influential because when they know who owns the decision, they also know how to share their information. Do they need to persuade the single decision maker, a majority, or the entire team? They can choose their most relevant information and arguments.

Your Turn

Think about the next time you will lead a meeting to make a decision with your team. Who owns the decisions? Is it you, the team through a vote, or the team through consensus? We’d love to hear from you.  What questions or comments do you have about clarifying who owns the decision?

leadership development Karin Hurt and David Dye

Motivate Your Team Stop Treating Them Like Family

How to Motivate Your Team – Stop Treating Them Like Family

Thinking they’re a family doesn’t motivate your team.

You’ve probably heard leaders say it and you might have even said it yourself when you were hoping to motivate your team.

“I treat my team like family” or “We’re one big family here at XYZ Corp.”

It feels like a nice thing to say. You want them to know you care about them as people; that everyone cares about each other; and we may fight at times, but we always come back together.

We are all about genuine caring and connection. Winning Well leaders focus on both results and relationships.

However, there are three problems with comparing your team or company to a family and they can badly undermine your leadership and your team’s effectiveness.

1. You don’t know what “family” means.

Each team member will interpret “family” differently depending on their past. For some, the definition of family is “that safe place where you are always accepted no matter how badly you’ve screwed up.”

For another team member, the family might mean a dysfunctional, tense situation that they left as soon as they could.

For another team member, family means they just wait for their parent to tell them what to do and they don’t have to think for themselves.

As soon as you use a word like “family” you’ve lost a shared, mutually understood set of expectations about what success looks like.

2. You’re not a family.

When it comes to motivating your team, one of the biggest problems “family” language creates is the obvious one: you’re not a family. One big difference that I’ve seen create problems for many businesses is the idea that you can’t fire a brother or sister for poor performance.

I’ve listened to sad employees receive a letter of separation and tearfully tell their manager, “But we’re supposed to be a family. This isn’t right.” And they believe it, and they’ve been allowed to believe it, because the manager so frequently spoke in terms of family.

Teams exist to achieve a shared goal, whether it’s to serve your customer, create change in the world, or solve a significant problem. When your behavior doesn’t align with that goal, you can and should be removed from the team. Families may or may not share a common goal, and rarely does poor behavior get you removed from a family.

3. You make growth difficult.

Small teams and businesses will often speak of themselves as a family. It’s natural–the constant time spent with your team, high pressure, the informal meetings, and lack of structure that often come with small organizations can feel very family-like.

However, this mindset makes it very challenging to motivate your team when you want to grow. Team members who enjoyed the casual environment and lack of structure start to complain when you introduce role clarity, define MITs, and increase accountability.

This is where you hear things like, “We used to be a family, but now we’re becoming so…corporate!” Corporate is said as if it were a poisonous snake (and, to be fair, if their experience of corporate has been to be treated like a number, not a person, it may have been poisonous.)

How to Motivate Your Team When They Talk About Family

When you hear your team talking about being a family (or if you’ve used this language yourself), I invite you to Ditch the Diaper Drama with your team and have a straightforward conversation. You might start with:

“I’ve heard us talk about being a family and I’ve said it as well. I want to talk about that. Family can mean different things to different people and I’d like for us to make sure we are on the same page and understand one another.”

In this conversation, you want to reinforce that you are a team (or organization) focused on both results and relationships. Clarify the MITs and What Success Looks Like. You might use the Expectations Matrix to facilitate a conversation and identify gaps in expectations.

Clarify your culture (How people like us act) with regard to how you will treat one another with respect, compassion, and hold one another accountable. If growth is in your future, talk about how it will require more role clarity and more structure, and how treating one another with respect, compassion, and holding each other accountable should never change.

Your Turn

Remember that “family” can mean something very different from what you intend and create bad misunderstandings for your team. To motivate your team, take the time to clarify shared expectations about your purpose and the ways in which you will respect and care for one another.

We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a comment and share your thoughts about what it means for a business team to be “like family.”

leadership development Karin Hurt and David Dye

How to communciate remarkably clear leadership expectations

How to Communicate Remarkably Clear Leadership Expectations

“These guys are seasoned managers, and these are fundamental leadership expectations. Shouldn’t they just know the right thing to do?”

“I’m so frustrated, my team is just not executing on what I consider fundamentals.”

“There’s just no accountability here. If someone is going to miss a deliverable why don’t they tell me?”

If any of this sounds familiar, it’s time to revisit your approach to setting and communicating performance expectations.

Defining Your Leadership Expectations

What are your top 3-5 leadership expectations?

Can you pick a few behaviors that matter most and write them down? For example:

I expect you will…

  • Spend 70% of your time in the field.
  • Have weekly one-on-ones with each of your direct reports.
  • Communicate in advance if you’re going to miss a deliverable.
  • Meet with your peers to stakeholder ideas before you come to me.
  • Come to our meetings on time and fully prepared, having read the materials and ready to make a decision.

3 Ways to Define Your Most Important Expectations

If you have trouble narrowing them down, how do you decide what’s most important?

  1. Start with what frustrates you. If you’re consistently getting ticked off at your team, that’s a good sign you’ve got a major expectation violation.

how to discuss expectation violationsThis simple exercise can help. Read more here

2. Think about the behaviors that have made you most successful. Do you have unarticulated expectations that your direct reports will do that too?

3. What behaviors are most important to accomplish your strategic MITs? 

Communicating Your Leadership Expectations

Once you’ve identified and written down your leadership expectations it’s time to communicate them to the team.

For each expectation consider how you will communicate and reinforce. A good rule of thumb is five times, five different ways.

For example.

  1. Meet with team to communicate my top 3 leadership expectations, being sure to connect what I’m asking them to do to why I’m asking them to do it. (e.g. it’s important to spend 70% of your time in the field so you can…. stay in touch with our customer’s pain points and to see first hand what the team needs to provide a truly extraordinary customer experience. (Way 1 = team meeting.)
  2. Do ride alongs with your team on their field visits and reinforce why the conversations they are having are so important. Celebrate what they are doing right. Coach on ways to improve (Way 2 = ride alongs)
  3. Send a text to your direct report distribution list asking them for the top three issues they are seeing in their field visits this week (Way 3= text.)
  4. In your offsite give formal recognition to the manager you’ve observed having the most impactful field visits. Be very clear on what behaviors you are recognizing and have them share their best practices. (Way 4= offsite.)
  5. In your one-on-one meetings talk about their strategy for field visits–what’s working well, and what they are looking to improve. (Way 5= one-on-ones.)

One good conversation about expectations prevents fourteen “Why didn’t you?” conversations. Taking the time to clearly define and communicate your leadership expectations will save you and your team a great deal of frustration and lost time.

See Also: 4 Strategies For Clearly Communicating Expectations (Fast Company)

leadership development Karin Hurt and David Dye

Bulldozer Parents and our Gen Z Workforce

What Bulldozer Parents are Doing to Our Gen Z Workforce

I’ll be honest. I didn’t even know bulldozer parents were a thing until Friday night. When did helicopter parents become bulldozer parents?  Are they really bulldozing at work?

I had to Google the whole “bulldozer parents” thing after having dinner with some HR execs who were attending the keynote I was giving the next day. Every single person at the table had at least one story of a bulldozer parent. Most had more. It made for a sad, twisted sort of entertainment. But there’s nothing really funny about what overly protective parents are doing to our future workforce.

“Don’t you hate it when a parent comes to the interview AND ANSWERS ALL THE QUESTIONS?”

“Or when you are doing new hire orientation, and the mom comes too, AND proceeds to supply all the answers? AND  then when I suggest to mom that their child needs to take responsibility… the mom gets the gist and gets quiet… and the kid doesn’t have a clue what to say next and keeps looking at Mom?”

“Or when the Dad pulls strings to get his child hired. And then, AFTER ALL THIS ADVANTAGE, the child keeps screwing up… and said Dad then intervenes AGAIN to defend the behavior…Exactly how is this helpful… for anyone?”

Dear Bulldozer Parents,

I get it. You want the best for your kids. So do I. You’ve learned a lot the really hard way and you want to save your kids some steps.

Despite all your best intentions and deep love for your children, your helping is hurting. All this extra support is undermining your children’s confidence and credibility. The last thing you want is HR recruiters comparing notes talking about you and your kid.

Of course, you can help. Give them interview pointers, help them turn their experiences into stories for the situational interview, and when they screw up, give them a big hug and encourage them to try again.

Build Confidence and Competence

confidence competence modelIf they’re lacking confidence encourage them.

If they think they know it all, coach them on their blind spots.

If they’re strong and full of confidence, challenge them to go for something bigger.

And if they’re struggling with the basics, don’t coddle, take a step back and teach them the basics.

Your turn.

Are you facing bulldozer parents intervening in their children’s careers? Are your Gen Z employees struggling with the basics? What advice do you have to help parents better prepare their children for today’s workforce?

See Also: 10 Common Excuses That Silently Damage Manager’s Careers- Fast Company

leadership development Karin Hurt and David Dye

Coworker Conflict: 7 Ways to Get Along with Other High-Performers

Coworker Conflict: 7 Ways to Get Along with Other High Performers

You’re passionate about your work and you’re nailing your role. You’re working hard and your results are on fire. And then in the middle of an otherwise raving performance review, your boss brings up the conflict you continue to have with another high-performing coworker.

“You’ve got to work on being a better team player.”


You’ve always prided yourself on building healthy relationships. But you’ve got to admit, the tension isn’t good. Not to mention, your team can smell it too. How can you expect them to work as a team, when you can’t get along with your peer?

We see it all the time–the conflict, drama and wasted energy between otherwise highly-competent high-performers. Stack ranked performance management systems can aggravate tension, but we often find it’s more complex than an artificial competition.

If you’re neck deep in conflict with a high-performing coworker, watch out for these behaviors.

7 Common Sources of High-Performer Coworker Conflict (and what to do instead)

1. You challenge them in front of others (particularly your boss.)

The Problem:

Your peer brings up a new idea at the staff meeting. You shoot it down with five reasons it won’t work. She’d mentioned the idea to you before the meeting and you had smiled and nodded. The truth is you weren’t really paying close attention. Now that you are really listening you’ve got some legitimate concerns.

Your co-worker feels belittled and bruised as she climbs out from under the bus you didn’t even know you were driving. “Why didn’t you tell me when I asked you before?”

You didn’t mean to be a jerk, you just want to get it right. The boss agrees with your concerns and once again praises your quick thinking.

The Solution:

Peer feedback is best given off-line. Give your input early, and then you can nod in full support of the enhanced plan.

your competition is mediocrity2. You withhold best practices.

The Problem: You’re trying some wild and crazy ideas, and you don’t want to share before you know they’ll work. Or you got busy and forgot to share. I know you’d never purposely withhold your great ideas, but your peers may not have the same interpretation.

The Solution:

Let folks know what you’re up to. If it’s half-baked, describe the batter and promise updates. Peers trust peers who share what they’re doing.

3. You take the credit.

The Problem:

When the praise is coming your way, it’s easy to get caught up in the emotion and just say “thank you.” And your co-worker is watching all this thinking “Are you kidding me, he’s not even going to mention all the work I did?”

The Solution:

This one is easy. Say “thank you” AND take a step back to consider and recognize your co-worker’s contribution.

4. You react poorly to feedback.

The Problem:

The surest way to lose friends and alienate people is to reject their feedback. If you stop hearing, they’ll stop talking (well, at least to your face.)

The Solution:

Be gracious and open to what they have to say. Pause to consider. If it’s stupid, shake it off. But always take the high road and thank them for their input.

5. You hoard talent.

The Problem:

You’ve nurtured gaggle of A players, but now you’re afraid to let them go. You’re sure to put the best talent on your projects and give the leftovers to support other objectives.

The Solution:

Have regular talent reviews with your peers and talk about potential next steps and developmental moves. Make a collective plan.

6. You don’t connect at a human level.

The Problem:

It’s easy to under-invest in co-worker relationships. Leaders tend to focus on their team and boss first, and leave peer relationships to naturally evolve. Co-worker relationships take time and energy to grow properly.

The Solution:

Go to lunch. Get to know them. Ask about their kids and hobbies. Do all the same things you do to connect with your team and boss. Understand their career aspirations. Ask how you can help. Side bonus, they’re likely to ask how they can help you too.

7. You don’t ask for help.

The Problem: You know they’re busy too, so you don’t ask for help. The trouble is that can make you look arrogant, or aloof.

The Solution: Understand their skills and ask for advice, or even support. There’s no greater form of flattery.

Like all relationships, it takes time, energy and deliberate focus to build trust and improve communication. It’s easy to think coworker relationships matter less than your direct reports, but often they matter more. Imagine the exponential impact of harnessing the collective power and support of other high-potential coworkers, channeling that wasted conflict into powerful collaboration.

Your turn. What advice do you have for building better relationships with a high-performing coworker?

A Few More Insights on Building Better Coworker Relationships

4 Powerful Ways to Get Meaningful Feedback From Your Peers

7 Ways to Lead Friends and Former Peers

4 Ways to Deal with A Toxic Coworker

leadership development Karin Hurt and David Dye

How to start team accountability when you never have before

How to Start Team Accountability When You Never Have Before

It’s never too late to begin team accountability.

“Karin and David, can I ask you a question?” We had just finished a keynote where we gave leaders the tools to have the tough conversations. Sarah, a middle-level manager, came up to talk to us, looking nervous. “I’ve been a pleaser manager my entire career, but I hear what you’re saying. It’s time for team accountability, but I don’t know what to do next. Where do I begin?”

What a great question, and one we hear frequently. If you’ve allowed your team to slide and have chosen being liked at the expense of achieving results, you’re not alone. In our surveys of managers, over 2/3 have a preference for getting along over getting results.

The good news is that when you recognize the need to practice team accountability, you can start with a few achievable steps. We have worked with many managers who have transformed their leadership from people-pleasing to human-centered results and accountability. Here are six steps you can take to transform your leadership and your team’s accountability when you haven’t done it before:

  1. Take responsibility

Before starting a new initiative, it’s vital to let your team know what you’re doing. You are a role model for everything that happens going forward so you need to demonstrate accountability right now.

You can say something like: “I haven’t been the best leader in this area. Frankly, I’ve preferred being liked over achieving the results we’re here to achieve. I haven’t done the best job when it comes to accountability, but that changes today. I owe it to you and we owe it to one another and we owe it to our customers.”

You don’t want to say this unless you’re serious about making a change. When you take responsibility and reset expectations, can massively improve your credibility and role model what it looks like to make a positive change. At the same time, if you aren’t serious and don’t back up your words with actions, your credibility will suffer.

  1. Reset Expectations

The word “accountability” can be scary to your team, particularly when you haven’t talked about it or practiced team accountability in the past. Take time to talk about it. Be clear about what success looks like going forward.

Eg: “Accountability doesn’t mean beating people up for poor performance, it means we’re going to keep our commitments to one another. When we do, we will acknowledge it. When we don’t, we will work to understand why and what to do next time (or to make it right, now).”

You may need to reframe or emphasize the values you’re working from. For example: The team’s success is more important than our individual discomfort and when you don’t hold me or one another accountable, you’re hurting the team and the people we serve.”

Finally, start small. Try confidence-burst strategy for accountability. Pick a time period between two team meetings. Eg: “For the next 10 days we’re going to practice accountability. We’re going to keep our commitments to one another, and when we don’t, we’re going to address it directly.”

  1. Equip Everyone with the Basics of Team Accountability

Unless they’ve been part of a highly effective team in the past, most team members won’t have the skills to hold one another accountable. You will need to teach them to Ditch the Diaper Drama and share the INSPIRE model with them. Here is a quick refresher on the INSPIRE model:

I – Initiate: Create space for the conversation.

N – Notice: Make an observation of the behavior in question. Eg: “I noticed that you didn’t bring the report you committed to…”

S – Support: Offer supporting evidence as needed.

P – Probe: Ask “What’s going on?” or a similar question that brings them into the conversation.

I – Invite: Ask them how they can remedy the situation.

R – Review: Check for understanding to ensure you have understood their commitment.

E – Enforce: Set a follow-up meeting when you will both check to see you’ve kept your commitment.

  1. Reinforce expectations

If your team is a rock band, you are the drummer. Keep the new accountability commitment in front of them. For this accountability confidence burst you can literally review it daily. Remind everyone what you’re doing. This is the MIT (Most Important Thing.)

  1. Celebrate every success

You get more of what you celebrate and encourage so be on the lookout for acts of accountability, especially when a team member holds YOU accountable. Stop the meeting, congratulate them, draw attention to it, encourage and celebrate the team for holding one another (or you) accountable. Then return to the meeting.

  1. Practice accountability about accountability

This is a powerful opportunity to reinforce new behaviors. When the team doesn’t practice accountability, stop the meeting. “We’ll get back to the sales strategy in a minute, but first we need to talk about what happened. I noticed that I didn’t bring the data I said I would – and no one said anything. What’s going on?” You’re using the INSPIRE model to reinforce that they didn’t hold you accountable – and they should.

Your Turn

It’s never too late to begin practicing team accountability. When you take responsibility, reset expectations, equip your team to practice accountability, and celebrate as you practice new behaviors together, you create a foundation for transformational and breakthrough results.

Leave us a comment and share your best strategy to start practicing team accountability when you never have before.

leadership development Karin Hurt and David Dye

5 Ways to Take Your Retention Strategy to the Next Level

How to Take Your Retention Strategy to the Next Level

There’s no question, the downside of a good economy is that it’s harder to retain your best talent. The challenging underperformers stick around, while your rock stars are suddenly the hottest ticket on LinkedIn. If you’re like most executives we talk to, you’re looking to build a more comprehensive retention strategy.

5 Ways to Take Your Retention Strategy to the Next Level

Finding great talent and building a Winning Well culture are table stakes, but what else can you do to retain your top talent?

1. Expand Your Approach to Exit Interviews

Do you know who is leaving and why? Do you have a solid exit interview process in place? If not, it’s worth the energy to build it. Sure you want the data, but the exit interview itself is a cultural intervention.

Imagine that Joe gets a new gig. Joe’s peers all know Joe is frustrated with his boss and they’re struggling with their managers too.  They ask Joe, “Did they EVEN ASK  you why you’re leaving?” And he says, “Nope, they DIDN’T BOTHER to ask. They don’t care.”

Now Joe has left and his friends are wondering if they should too (oh yeah, and Joe gets a bonus at his new gig for referrals.)

It’s worthwhile looking from the other perspective too.

When I revamped the exit interview process at Verizon, I also added an additional question back to their immediate manager: “Would you have preferred to retain this employee?” We correlated their manager’s answer to the employee’s last performance rating and included these two pieces of information along with the exit interview.

We then reported out to the senior team on “good attrition” and “bad attrition.” This strategy isn’t foolproof, clearly, as some gamer managers might make excuses for losing an A player, (eg: “He was a troublemaker.”) But a strategic HR partner can see the patterns. We found that these simple additions helped us hone in our real retention issues, and gave our best managers the cover they needed to deal with long-term performance issues without being hassled about their retention rate. They were rewarded for building a team of Winning Well players who focused on results and relationships.

2. Pay Fair Market Value (So Obvious, Often Overlooked)

I recently received a call from a millennial who loved her job and was getting great feedback about her performance, but was really frustrated by her pay. “All my colleagues tell me that the only way to get a raise around here is to get another job offer and bring it to them–then they’ll match it. That strategy has worked well for several of them. So, I’ve joined several networking groups and am determined to get another job offer so I can get the raise. Of course, who knows? I might even find a better job along the way.”

It’s your job to know their market value, not to send employees shopping.  If budgets are that tight, consider right-sizing so you can pay your team fairly. I’d always rather have a team of 8 highly-motivated rock-stars than 10 that I settled on because I couldn’t afford to attract the right talent – and who are looking around for a better opportunity.

3. Re-Recruit Your A Players

Particularly during times of stress and change, it’s so important for your A players to know how valuable they are. Tell them specifically why you value them and the contribution they make. I remember at one point in my work at Verizon, I was frustrated by my lack of career movement. A merger came along and the prospects for future growth didn’t look good, so I started looking outside and was becoming intrigued by what I saw. One senior leader I supported wrote a quick note to my boss’s boss (copying me) and said, “I hope you realize what a gem you have.” and he responded, copying me “Yes, I do, and I see a bright future for her here.” It opened the door for me to initiate a “Where is this going?” conversation. He encouraged me to be patient. I was. It was worth it.

See Also: 7 Things Your Hight Performers Want to Hear You Say

4. Build A Culture of Accountability

You know what your team wants more than a Foosball table and mimosas on Monday afternoon, right? They want clear direction, and a boss and team they can count on to perform consistently every day. I promise. A Players want to work on A teams. If your A players go home frustrated every day because they work on a team of slackers, they will start looking around for a place with other people who get it.

5. Listen

Just today, I had a manager confide in me:

“My compensation is tied to the performance of my peer team. Results are not good. I’ve transferred in from another division and I know some easy ways we can make this better. I’ve talked to my boss and she gives me lip service saying she’ll give me an opportunity to share at a future team meeting. And it doesn’t happen. She’s not listening. I’ve got a young family to support. If no one will even listen to my ideas (which I know work!) why should I stay?”

Human beings want to be heard. Do your managers have the skills and tools to hear them?

See Also Why Bother Speaking Up: It Won’t Help (and other destructive thinking)

If you’re struggling to retain your best talent, dig a level deeper to find out what’s really going on.

Your Turn

Leave us a comment and share: What are the most important elements of your retention strategy?

leadership development Karin Hurt and David Dye

5 Ways to Gain More Influence and Impact

5 Ways to Gain More Influence and Impact

Jessica approached me after my keynote last week. “My boss is about to make a REALLY big mistake and I don’t think I have the influence to stop it. What can I do?”

She continued:

My boss says we need to eliminate my team due to cost reasons. But that’s a terrible mistake! It’s not so much the people I worry about. They’re highly qualified and will find other roles in our organization. It’s that the work we do actually saves the company money, not to mention how much we enhance the customer experience. I care so deeply about this organization, and I want my boss to be successful too. He doesn’t see it.

The truth is, I don’t think he has any idea all the gaps we fill. But I feel like when I’m advocating for this, it looks like I’m just trying to save my team. The organization is really going to suffer if we go down this path.

How do I get my boss to hear me? How can I influence him to do the right thing?

Of course, after a ten-minute conversation,  I can’t claim to understand all the financial and other nuances of this decision. But as she continued, I WAS convinced she had a solid argument worth hearing out.

I asked:

What if you approached your boss exactly like you just spoke to me? Come from a place of deep concern for the bigger picture. Acknowledge the need for financial savings AND paint the picture of a future where your team is not in place? Is it possible to outline the downstream financial consequences of both scenarios?

She smiled. “Yup. I can do that. And I think it’s worth a try.”

Of course, it’s worth a try.

What’s worth a try for you? And where are you holding back?

What truth would you share if you only felt you had more influence?

5 Ways to Up Your Influence and Accomplish More

If you’re not having the influence you desire, start here.

1- Meet Them on the Path They’re Already On

Jessica’s boss had a clear MIT (Most Important Thing) on his mind–to drive costs out of the business. Jessica needed to meet him on the path he was on. If Jessica tried to take her boss down the “let’s improve the customer experience path” while he was racing down the “cost savings road”, she would likely be ignored. She had a solid argument that eliminating her team would cost more money in the long-run. She should lead with that. The customer experience point is influence gravy.

You will have more influence when the people you’re trying to convince know that you “get it,” with “it” being whatever it is they most care about.

2. Ask Great Questions

This HBR article explains why.

Questions give you the chance to hear what the other person is thinking, giving you more opportunity to accurately determine his or her influencing style. By really listening to the person’s response, you will know whether you can move on to your next point, or if you need to back up and readdress something in a way that helps the other person see your perspective and brings him or her closer to your position. According to a study published in the Journal of Research in Personality, when people feel listened to by those trying to influence them, their liking of, commitment to, and trust in the influencer increases — all of which strengthen your influencing capability in the situation and overall.

3. Echo Back the Smart Words They Say

Great listening is more than half the influence formula. If you’re trying to influence someone, start by listening deeply and reflecting back what you hear. People will listen when they know they’ve been heard.

4. Build Trust By Being a Truth Teller 

Do you have someone in your life you can always count on to tell you the truth? Be that guy for others. Trust breeds influence. I love this point in the Inc.’s article 7 Way to Build Influence in the Workplace, 

If you want a healthy and influential working relationship, you’re going to have to cultivate trust. The easiest way to do that is to be open and honest, no matter what. State your opinions, disclose your apprehensions, and don’t keep secrets. It’s as simple as that.

5. Rock Your Role

Although competence does not necessarily lead to influence, it’s a necessary place to start. Results buy freedom, and they also build influence. You can never go wrong by being the guy everyone can count on to hit it out of the park.

See Also:

The Winning Well Leadership ModelGlowstone Peak Available Now (quick video overview)

Why Bother Speaking Up (our very popular post on FOSU– Fear of Speaking Up)

The V.O.I.C.E. Approach to getting your voice heard.

How to P.E.R.S.U.A.D.E. your boss

And if you’re looking to help your children think more about courage, influence, and hope, check out our new children’s book, Glowstone Peak.

what no one tells you about leadership

What No One Tells You About Leadership

Welcome to the Hope Business

If I could give a one-page orientation manual to every person who takes a management or leadership position, at the top of the page it would say:

You may have taken this job for the money (it’s not going to be enough),

for the power (you don’t actually have power – it’s an illusion),

or for the prestige (no job will make you feel good about yourself).

Maybe you took this job because you care about the people you serve and results your can achieve together. If so, you’re off to a great start.

Welcome to the hope business.

When your team has hope, you have a chance. Hope means they believe in you. They trust you and one another. You are credible and you have a strategy they believe can succeed.

Everything you do from now on will build or erode hope.

I know you can do this.

Welcome to the hope business.

Welcome to leadership!

If you’re like most leaders, no one has ever told you’re in the hope business. That this is the most important thing you can give your team. That without it, you are finished before you ever get going.

Hope is your most important leadership responsibility.

Why Try?

Leadership is the belief that if we work together we can have a better tomorrow.

That’s hope. But if you’re like most leaders, no one’s ever told you that you’re in the hope business.

But every day you ask your team to try, to think, to solve problems. Why? Why should they try?

The only answer is hope.

Hope isn’t a strategy – but it’s a damn good fuel. [Tweet This]

Because when we work together we can make things better – better for our customer, better for one another, better for our families.

When It’s Tough

You might be wondering how to lead with hope when circumstances are challenging. Perhaps a market shift means you have to close some elements of the business that aren’t relevant and regroup to face a changing environment. What does hope look like in that scenario?

Hope is the message that together you’ll get through it. Hope is the gracefulness with which you make the changes. Hope is the way you call your team to their personal best. The belief and practice that no matter what happens, each of you will be better for the way you choose to lead through it.

Your TurnSelvia, leadership, and hope

One of the reasons we wrote Glowstone Peak was to inspire children (and the adults who love them) with the power of hope. As Selvia realized, “Nothing gets better if I stay here. So she started walking.” That’s hope – and the courage to try.

We hope you’ll share the story with the children in your life.

Now, we’d love to hear from you: What role does hope play in your leadership? How do you lead with hope – especially when times are challenging?

Courage: 5 Ways to Show Up Stronger

Courage: 5 Ways to Show Up Stronger (Even When You’re Scared)

Have you ever wanted to take a stand, but kept quiet? Have you had a moment of bravery you found hard to explain? Where does courage come from?

A Courageous Guest Post from Selvia of Glowstone Peak

Karin and David asked me to share some of my thoughts on courage for you grown-ups; which quite frankly scares me more than talking to any Gnobuck. You see, I’m only 40, which is quite a kid in our Nuin years. I mean even you humans know that 40 is the new 20.

I don’t have any of this figured out. And I’m terrified of what you might think. Karin says you humans call that the Imposter Syndrome.

But let’s be real. I’ve seen how humans talk to one another on social media. Yikes.  Gnobucks may breathe fire, but at least you can see it coming.

Our story of the recent happenings at Glowstone Peak seems to be helping kids find courage. So,  If I can help even one grown-up be braver, I’m willing to give it a go, So here’s my best advice on courage for grown-ups.

One Nuin’s Thoughts on Courage For Grown Ups

First, I searched the internet for some of the best human thinking on courage.

This guy, Teddy seems to get it:

“In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” -Theodore Roosevelt

And there’s some terrific research in this fantastic HRB article on Courage.  My favorite insight:

“Learning to take an intelligent gamble requires an understanding of what I call the “courage calculation:” a method of making success more likely while avoiding rash, unproductive, or irrational behavior. Six discrete processes make up the courage calculation: setting primary and secondary goals; determining the importance of achieving them; tipping the power balance in your favor; weighing risks against benefits; selecting the proper time for action; and developing contingency plans.”

And then David let me come over and watch a bit of Game of Thrones. You gotta love Bran and his Dad. ‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’ ‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him.”

And Inc. has a cool  list of ideas of how you can “put fear in its place.”

Okay. Enough stalling. My turn.

Courage on Glowstone Peak

5 Ways to Be More Courageous


  1. Listen to Your Heart
    I didn’t set out to be brave, brave just happened to me. The best courage comes from caring deeply.
  2. Stay Open to Surprising Support
    Taking your first brave step can be remarkably lonely. The people who you thought were on your side might be too scared to help. That doesn’t mean you are in it alone.  Karin and David have both told me how this happened to them. Keep looking and stay open. There might just be a helpful gnome around the corner, building his courage too.
  3. Choose Your Timing
    There’s a big difference between brave and brash. Think well about the best time to make your bold moves. Go slow to go fast. And do your homework.
  4. Stay Focused on the Bigger Mission
    I knew what needed to be done–we needed to restore the glowstone.  That goal became more important than politics, dark forests, or even dragons. There is real courage to be found in a compelling mission. What’s yours?
  5. Use your V.O.I.C.E. 
    Karin and David teach this practical persuasion technique. I’ve got to say for human-thinking, it’s not half bad. Check it out if you’re looking for ways to take a courageous stand and have more influence and impact. It might have saved me some time getting those pixies on board.

To learn more about my story, visit Glowstone Peak 

Your Turn: I’d love to hear your stories of courage and inclusion.

AVAILABLE NOW: GLOWSTONE PEAK: A Story of Courage, Influence and Hope

Glowstone Peak: A Children's Leadership Book

See also:

Why bother Speaking Up (and other destructive thinking)

19 Questions to Grow Confidence in Children

Developing Leadership Skills in Children:  11 Ways to Grow Leadership Skills in Children

Children’s Books on Leadership: Questions to Inspire Young Thinking

The Power of Observation: Better MBWA

The Power of Observation: 6 Ways to Show Up Helpful

I just got off the phone with a frustrated CEO, who was fired up after a half day of observation in one of his call centers.

“Karin, Why don’t these managers GET IT?

I just left a visit to one of our call centers and within an hour, I’ve seen more than a dozen urgent and easy things to address that really matter. I’ve been encouraging managers and team leaders to be out on the floor. So they’re there. They’re theoretically doing the observation I’ve asked.  But I don’t think they know what to do!

They are standing right next to the issues I see, and they don’t see them! When I ask them for what patterns they’re noticing they offer to pull a report. How about the patterns they heard on the calls today in their observation?!! When I ask how the calls are going, they tell me “they’re good.” What does that mean? Can’t they hear what I hear? No one has a pen in their hands… I’m so frustrated. Isn’t this common sense?

How do I make them see that getting out of their offices is not enough? It’s what they do with that time.”

Does this sound familiar? This “Why can’t they see it?” feeling is the worst. And surprisingly hard to teach. But it is possible.

Observation Matters: Really Practical Ways to Ensure Your Presence Makes an Impact

After a few weeks in the role Verizon Sales exec., it became clear that there was a real difference between spending time in the stores and EFFECTIVELY spending time in the stores–observing what’s going on, learning, and being truly helpful to the team.

Some District Managers really understood the power of careful observation and used that in their helping. And for others, it was an art that needed to be taught. There were a few DMs who could be in a troubled store all day and completely miss the glaring issues– and of course, ignoring the obvious problems is far from helpful, it’s destructive.

If you’re looking to help your managers and supervisors be more observant and helpful, try working with them on this list of six ways to show up helpful.

6 Ways to Show Up Helpful

1. Start with connection.

Winning Well managers balance results AND relationships. You can’t show up helpful if your employees think you’re there to play a game of “Gotcha.”

Connect first with something personal. And then ask about what they’re most proud of and where they’re struggling. It’s amazing what you’ll hear if you just ask, “What do you need to better serve our customers?”

2. Think like a customer.

Observe what the customer is experiencing.

When I would do my store visits at Verizon, we would start in the parking lot. What does the customer see when they first walk up? Is there trash on the sidewalk? Are the windows clean? Are the signs hung correctly? Are all the light bulbs working?

Observe the customer interactions. If you can see the customers, do they seem relaxed and confident, or agitated? If you’re walking around the call center floor, are you hearing empathy from your reps? Are they providing clear and accurate information? Are they going out of their way to create a positive experience?

If you’re doing a ride-along observation on a repair truck, are you showing up during the committed time frame? Have we left the customers home cleaner than we found it? Have interactions been polite and friendly? Does the customer know how much we care?

3. Pay attention to the MITs (Most Important Things.)

Focus your observations on the most important things and work on them one or two at a time. As you’re walking around notice how employees are spending their time. Are they focused on the Most Important Things (MITs?)

If they’re not, get curious. Do they understand the behaviors that are critical to success?  If not, it’s time to revisit expectations. Are they clear on what behaviors will lead to success? Have you connected what you’re asking them to do, to why you’re asking them to do it?

One of the biggest mistakes I see managers make when they’re riding along or doing floor support is focusing on too many priorities at the same time.

If you tell someone: “Your desk is messy; you forgot to use an empathy statement; you didn’t mention the new promotion, and by the way, your handle time for that phone call was 15 seconds too long,” they’re not likely to retain much.

4. Look for patterns.

It’s easy to overreact when you see one employee with wrong information or a bad habit. I’ve seen many managers react with an emergency meeting because of one bad actor, and everyone is wondering why their manager is wasting time talking about something everyone already knows.

Of course, it can go in the other direction too. If you uncover a few employees struggling with the same issue, it’s worth keeping your eyes open to see who else needs help. The next obvious question any manager would think is, “Where else is this an issue?”

5. Connect work to outcomes.

In my Verizon days, I would never leave a store visit without spending time with the store manager in front of his “Big Board” (a white board that was to be updated daily with metrics in the back of the store for all the team to see).  We would talk about the customer experience and what they were doing to make it better. Nothing was more frustrating  than to see outdated metrics. “Oh wait, it’s better now!” The manager would say as they erased the numbers and put up new ones. “So how would your team know that?”

In your observations, it’s helpful to ensure the team has an easy, updated, way to know where they stand.

See more on developing critical thinking in your team.

6. Celebrate small wins.

When doing observations, it’s easy to focus exclusively on what’s going wrong and what needs to be improved. It’s so important to also notice what’s going well. Making a big deal out of small wins can go a long way in pointing out the behaviors that will lead to success. We get more of what we celebrate and reward, and less of what we ignore.

Your turn.  What are your best practices for effective observations and showing up helpful?

See Also: The Secret to Managing Up: The Green Jacket Effect (with Video)

When MBWA become OCHTC Oh crap here they come).

speaking up... does it work

Why Bother Speaking Up? It Won’t Help (and other Destructive Thinking)

Have you ever heard yourself saying those words?

“Why bother speaking up, it won’t do any good?” Or

“I’ve tried speaking up in the past, and no one cared.” Or

“Speaking up isn’t valued around here, I’ll just keep my head down and do my job.”

I hear you. It’s easy to let past experiences jade us into losing our voice.  It’s tempting to let our assumptions take over and persuade us that we already know the response. After all, we’ve seen this movie before and it doesn’t end well. And so the troublesome issue continues which validates our thinking: the other guy is a jerk who won’t listen.

Trust erodes further. So we speak up even less. Further convincing ourselves that it wouldn’t do any good.

Overcoming FOSU (Fear of Speaking Up)

I was facilitating a 2-day training on conflict and collaboration with an interesting mix of scientists and administrators.  About halfway through the program, Hope, a female administrator who is also a woman of color spoke up.

“I hear you. And I believe all these techniques will work for someone like Peter (a white male scientist with credentials and position power whose large stature made him hard to ignore), but they would never work for me.”

She’d ditched the diaper drama and apparently said exactly what everyone in the room had on their mind. We talked at length about her (and other participant’s) experiences–which were sad and compelling and real. Some of these stories had happened over a decade ago, with a peer or boss that was no longer around. And yet the fear of speaking up today was palpable. There was a whole lot of not speaking up going on, in a culture that desperately needed the truth.

There’s no question in my mind that results suffered, projects took longer and the science was jeopardized due to this FOSU (fear of speaking up).

Hope had spoken up to start a conversation. Game on.

And then Peter raised his hand.

“I hear you. I really do. I’ve got two stories of my own to share.

I also had been told several times by my boss to keep quiet, and not rock the boat. But I saw several errors that I knew would impact the timeline of our project once they were discovered. I took them to my boss who told me under no circumstance was I to say what was going on.

When the project got in trouble several months later, the department head, Joe, got involved and asked why I didn’t say anything. I told him I had. He coached me and said that at times like this, it’s so important to put the project ahead of self-protection. Joe reminded me of what was at stake.  And told me I can always come to him as needed. Which I do from time to time–only when absolutely necessary.

I still respect the chain of command most of the time.

My boss hates it when I go to Joe. But, I know have to do the right thing.

Then one day we were in a meeting with Joe. He told us how frustrated he was that people don’t speak up. And then he said, ‘Peter’s the only one.’ When he asked why, everyone just looked at him without saying a word.

Then my boss took me aside and said, ‘See, Joe wants you to stop speaking up! Now stop it!’ I was like, ‘What? Were we in the same meeting? And I insisted that we have a three- way conversation with Joe to check for understanding.

Joe was unequivocal. ‘I want Peter and everyone on this team to speak up. That’s the only way we will know what’s ever going on.'”

Okay, I thought, we’re making real progress in this discussion. But, the truth is, it’s still easier for a guy like Peter to pull this off.  And then he began his second story.

“About a year ago, I had a peer come to me and tell me she thought I was a bully. I was shocked. I was hurt. I don’t see myself as a bully. I asked why. It came down to the fact that I was holding people accountable, and that was uncomfortable and I knew I couldn’t change that. But I also knew that accountability is one thing, bullying is another.

So I went to some of my other peers. And several of them said, ‘Oh yeah, you’re a bully sometimes.’

And I knew I needed to change. I dug deeper on how my behavior was being perceived. I started listening more. I entered rooms more gently. I watched my tone and manner. No work I’ve ever done on my leadership has made a bigger impact on my influence. I’m still holding people accountable, but I’m watching my style. It’s easier for all of us.

Can you imagine if that woman had FOSU? I’d still be frustrating her and everyone else. She did all of us a favor by speaking up.

I understand the culture we’re in, but I’ve got to tell you. People don’t speak up enough. We have to talk about this stuff in order for the culture to change.

How can we do that better?'”

Your Turn: How Can We?

And so I turn that question back to you. This is hard, no doubt. But how do we encourage more people to use speak up and find their voice? I’d love to hear your stories of overcoming FOSU and the difference it made.

leadership development Karin Hurt and David Dye