Shaken, Not Stirred: 4 Examples of Workplace Conflict and How to Build Stronger Bonds

Crafting the Perfect Chaser:
Powerful Phrases That Turn Conflict Cocktails into Care-Filled Collaboration

If it feels like you’re experiencing more conflict at work over the last few years, you’re in good company. Our research shows that not only is conflict more frequent, but it’s also getting more challenging to navigate. Today’s examples of workplace conflict can best be described as a complex cocktail of challenges: tired workers in an uncertain economy; a pandemic hangover of isolation and anxiety; rapid social and technological change; and exhausted managers doing the best they can– many of whom lack the training and resources to navigate this well.

4 Examples of Workplace Conflict (And What to Say Next)

This guide is your recipe book, offering you a few Powerful phrases and strategies needed to craft the perfect chaser to the biggest examples of workplace conflict. So, cheers to you as we give you some starter words to navigate these conflict cocktails.

The Conflict Cocktail: The Wedge Driver

The pandemic sped up changes in the workforce. More than ever before, people want meaning in their work. And, work itself is changing fast. The World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration results citing continued overwhelm, economic instability, lower levels of motivation, and poor management are symptoms of this upheaval.

Larger organizations have people scattered across seven different time zones. In a world of remote work, many of these people have never met each other in person.

Most managers don’t have formal training on how to deal with such issues (27% of the respondents in our research attribute the increase in conflict to poor management practices).

If you’re in a matrixed organization, it gets more complicated. Lines of responsibility can be fuzzy, and your priorities or incentives might clash with your coworkers’ goals. But you need your coworkers’ help to succeed at your job.

That’s a conflict cocktail.

What to Say Next

(See Chapters 9 and 11 of Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict: What to Say When You’re Overwhelmed and What to Say When Expectations Aren’t Clear)

This is one of the trickiest examples of workplace conflict, but there is hope. The antidote to uncertainty is clarity, so start by aligning around a vision of success.

“What would a successful outcome DO for you.” 

You may or may not agree on what success looks like, but when you’re dealing with a remote workforce dealing with lots of change, gaining clarity around expectations can save a lot of time and wasted energy. This powerful question also gives you insights into deeper motives and unspoken expectations.

Andi, if expectations are unclear, or there are differences of opinion about how to handle a situation, you can try this combination of Powerful Phrases.

“It seems that we see this differently.”

Rapid change and new technology can often lead to unclear norms. How do we use AI? And, how do we check the facts? What communication channels are appropriate for what messages? Should cameras always be on in team meetings? What about customer conversations? One-on-ones? 

“Here’s the challenge we face..“

And then describe the consequences if the lack of clarity continues.  For example, “There’s no rule about this, so it’s up to us to figure it out. The challenge we face if we don’t agree on how we …. (use cameras in meetings, include people in radically different time zones on decisions, communicate sensitive information when we can’t look each other in the eye). So it’s up to us to figure it out. The challenge we face if we don’t agree on how we use cameras is that we’ll all feel resentful, disrespected, and exhausted.”

It’s also helpful to empower every member of your team with words to say when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Here are a few of our favorites to deal with such examples of workplace conflict.

“If I had to drop a ball here, which one should that be?”

and simply, “I could use some help.”

The Missed Shot

See chapters 10 (I feel visible or ignored), 23 (boss doesn’t see my genius), and 26 (know it alls) 

The missed shot happens when you combine a fast-moving manager with a thoughtful employee with innovative thoughts they’re keeping to themselves because they don’t want to slow things down or appear negative.

What’s left behind? Potentially revolutionary ideas or vital micro-innovations – unspoken, unexplored, overshadowed by the urgency of immediate tasks.

This ‘missed shot’ phenomenon is not just a communication gap; it’s a significant loss for organizational innovation.

The most transformative ideas often emerge from those who take time to think deeply, analyze thoroughly, and speak after careful consideration. When these ideas are overlooked, you miss out on opportunities for big ideas and smaller micro-innovations that would make work, work better.

What to Say Next

So how do navigate this conflict cocktail?

If you’re a manager, be deliberate in your ask. This is more than an open door.

Ask specific courageous questions such as:

“What’s one thing we’re missing in this process?”

Or…

“What’s your biggest concern about the plan we’ve laid out?”

And if you’re the one with the overlooked ideas, you won’t want to miss chapter 10 (on feeling invisible and ignored) and chapter 23 (doesn’t appreciate you or see your genius).

“I have an idea that will ______ (insert strategic benefit statement here).”

A strong benefit statement in the first sentence is the best way to slow down a well-meaning, fast-moving manager.

“I know you haven’t had much opportunity to see my ability to ______. What if I took on _____ (a special project, a pilot of an idea).”

The Power Trap

Several chapters from Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict work well here (Chapter 13, Matrix Organization; Chapter 18, Micro-Manager, Chapter 20, Boss Won’t Make a Decision,

Has this ever happened to you? You’re on the hook for results, and you want to achieve them. But there’s a catch. You’re not empowered to make the decisions you need to be successful.

Or maybe you work in a matrix environment where every decision requires consensus. Or you’re in a customer-facing role, held accountable for NPS (net promoter score), but your hands are tied to make even small “common sense” choices to delight a customer without placing them on hold to escalate the issue.

Twenty-seven percent of respondents who said they’re experiencing more or significantly more workplace conflict in the last few years said it was due to “poor management practices.” This example of workplace conflict- Accountability without empowerment is certainly one aspect.

So how do you navigate this conflict cocktail?

A few Powerful Phrases can be helpful here… framing your conversations in four dimensions of productive conflict: Connection, Clarity, Curiosity and Commitment.

What to Say Next

 “I’m fully committed to our shared goals (CONNECTION) and am seeking ways to enhance our efficiency. Could we discuss expanding my decision-making authority to streamline our processes” (CLARITY)?”

By starting with a connection to the relationship and the outcomes, you open the door for solutions. And then, you follow up with a specific ask. Be sure to be prepared with specific suggestions.

“Our matrix structure has its strengths, but I believe we can improve our response time (CLARITY). What are your thoughts on creating a fast-track decision path for certain operational decisions” (CURIOSITY)?

With this Powerful Phrase, you’re starting from a positive frame of mind and inviting others to be part of the solution.

The Blown Fuse

This is one of the hottest trending examples of workplace conflicts, tensions between exhausted workers and strung-out customers.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic, many industries have found it more challenging than ever to attract and keep talent. Employees in the education, healthcare, service, and hospitality industries say they’re sick and tired of rude and hostile customers, students, and patients, grueling hours, and impossible demands.

And customers complain about long waits, poor service apathetic staff, and tip creep.

What to Say Next

Your connection G.O.A.T.s (Greatest of all Time) Powerful Phrases and habits are vital in these complex examples of workplace conflict, and you won’t want to miss chapter 32 on dealing with difficult customers. 

First, the connection G.O.A.T.s

“I care about ______ (you, your experience, your concern), and I’m confident we can find a solution we can all work with.”

Acknowledge the challenge, your difference of opinions, and your confidence that you can work through it together.

“Tell me more.”

Nothing builds connection more than being seen, and this Powerful Phrase gets there in just three words.

“It sounds like you’re feeling __________ is that right? (pause for affirmation. And that you for letting me know how you feel. ”

This Powerful Phrase is a tried-and-true relationship-building technique called “reflect to connect.” When you “reflect to connect” you’re not agreeing with what they’ve said or telling them you agree with their emotion. Rather you’re acknowledging how they feel You see them. When you reflect, you create a common starting place for the conversation.

And now a few for dealing with difficult customers.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you. Let’s fix this right now.”

A good start is always “I’m sorry,”  and acknowledging their concern or emotions.

“I know exactly what we need to do next and I’m on it. I’m not letting you go until we get this resolved.”

Building the customer’s confidence in the first forty seconds of the interaction is another great way to calm a concerned customer. This Powerful Phrase infuses confidence into the conversation and reassures the customer that you care.

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