Teaching Humility to the Brilliant and Bold
If you’ve ever worked with a super-smart, results-driven leader who just can’t figure out why their team won’t follow them with gusto, you’ve likely bumped into the confidence minus humility trap.
They know their stuff. They move fast and get results.
And, they genuinely want to do well by their team.
But somehow, things feel… off.
People aren’t opening up. Feedback feels filtered. Collaboration is stagnating. And morale? Well, let’s just say it’s not exactly electric.
So here’s the question we hear all the time:
Can you teach a confident leader humility?
Yes. Absolutely yes.
But not with shame. Not with “be nicer” mandates. And definitely not with a two-day trust fall retreat.
Humility isn’t something you tack on. It’s something you develop—through reflection, intentional practice, and (here’s the kicker) curiosity.
Why Confident Leaders Struggle with Humility
It’s not ego. Not always.
More often, it’s the story they’ve been told:
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“If I don’t have the answers, I’ll look weak.”
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“Slowing down for people stuff will cost us results.”
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“Connection is soft. Execution is what matters.”
These assumptions are reinforced by years of success. But when the context shifts—bigger team, higher stakes, cross-functional collaboration—those same strengths can start to backfire.
What worked in the past isn’t enough for what’s next.
So, what do we do?
We help them reframe humility not as a loss of power, but as an amplifier of influence.
How to Help Leaders Grow Humility Without Crushing Their Confidence
1. Start With Identity, Not Behavior
High-achievers resist behavior feedback when it feels like a personal attack. Instead of saying, “You’re not very humble,” say:
“You’ve got incredible clarity and conviction. How do you think that’s landing with the team right now?”
Or:
“You bring a ton of experience. How do you make space for others to contribute too?”
These types of questions create room for self-reflection without forcing defensiveness.
We’re not asking them to be less of who they are. We’re inviting them to be more strategic with their strengths.
2. Teach the AND Frame
Confidence isn’t the enemy of humility. In fact, true humility requires a foundation of confidence. You can’t invite challenge or admit mistakes if you’re secretly worried your credibility will vanish.
Introduce the AND mindset:
“You can be confident in your perspective and curious about what others see.”
“You can hold the bar high and take time to connect.”
“You can know your value and recognize everyone else brings something too.”
When we give leaders permission to lead with both, they stop seeing humility as a threat—and start seeing it as leverage.
3. Give Them Curiosity Language
If you want to grow humility, start with questions.
Teach them a few go-to phrases they can use in meetings, one-on-ones, and tough conversations. For example:
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“What’s your take?”
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“What am I not seeing yet?”
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“Help me understand how that came across.”
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“I’m confident in our direction, and I’d love to hear your perspective before we finalize.”
The more they ask, the more they’ll hear. And the more they hear, the easier it becomes to stay grounded in what’s real—not just what they assume.
4. Connect Feedback to Outcomes
If your confident leader is driven by performance, speak their language.
Show them the data:
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“When you invite more input, your team takes more ownership.”
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“When you slow down for connection, resistance goes down and speed goes up.”
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“When you share mistakes, your team becomes more willing to take smart risks.”
Humility isn’t just a “nice-to-have.” It’s a leadership multiplier.
5. Celebrate Progress, Not Personality Shifts
You’re not trying to turn your driven leader into a warm fuzzy group hug guru.
You’re helping them lead more effectively, in more contexts.
So when you see them pause to listen, invite challenge, or follow up with empathy—name it.
“The way you made space for that team member’s concern? That’s what builds trust.”
“I noticed you asked a few extra questions before weighing in. That really shifted the tone of the conversation.”
Small moments of humility create massive momentum. And those moments often start with awareness and intention—not transformation.
You don’t have to choose between high standards and human connection.
You don’t have to choose between strength and openness.
And you definitely don’t have to choose between confidence and humility.
You can teach leaders to lead in the AND.
And when you do, you don’t just get better performance—you get trust, resilience, and a team that actually wants to follow.
Land in the AND: The Power of Confident Humility
See Also:
Leadership Skills: 6 Core Competencies You Can’t Lead Without
Note: This article was updated April 25th, 2025
A great post – should be something every up and coming leader is exposed to.
Thanks, Ed. Your books arrived yesterday. I am taking them on my trip to CA to read on the plane. You are doing great work. Thanks for your comment. I hope you will continue to add your insights.
Have them read “Good To Great” by Jim Collins.
Collins research revealed the two attributes of Level 5 leaders were humility and vulnerability.
Steve, oh yes. That’s a great add. Thanks.
Great article! Can’t wait to read this…would also recommend Me to We: Finding Meaning in a Material World by Craig and Marc Kielburger.
Heather, thanks! I look forward to reading your recommendation as well,
Excellent post, Karin. I believe that we can teach humility but the individual has to be teachable. I have been fortunate to have mentor in my life who have not only modeled humility to me but have intentionally taught me humility using the principles you described. I too am alarmed by the lack of humble leadership in our culture today but I am choosing to do what I can to reverse that trend by striving for a deeper humility in my own leadership and a determination to mentor younger people around me. Thanks for your post.
David, great add. Mentors can be fabulous in this regard (and others). I, too, have been blessed with amazing mentors. I do my best to pay that forward.
How do we teach humility? What a question! I think it starts at home with good parenting skills, followed by well-funded pre-schools, followed by well-funded primary and secondary schools, followed by post high school training either in a technical course or at a university. Good teaching instills a love of learning and a lack of unnecessary fear. From this, humility!
Anne, thanks so much. Ahh yes, the earlier the better. Thanks so much for adding that to the conversation.
Can this be taught? Once an adult has achieved leadership status… does the desire to be humble have to be born within oneself? If the concept of humility was not engrained in one as a child… can it be taught to that person in adulthood? I give credit to my parents… they did a good job… but I struggle with humility often, in the little things and the big. I am very curious about the book, so I hope to read a copy in the near future. 🙂
Celina, thanks… I wonder that too…. at some point in our lives does it become more difficult. I wrestle with the balance of building confidence in my own children and also encouraging them to be humble in that confidence. Tricky stuff at every age.
Hi Karin and others,
How do we teach humility? Perhaps we start with asking the question to others, “How can I help you!” and make that our quest. Servant and leader, two roles fused into one role creates leaders with humility. If one is a servant, that leader is always searching, listening, and expecting to find a wheel for the current times.
“How can I help you?” That is a great quest.
You know I don’t comment often…but I had to today. Loved this post, Karin. Well done. I’m currently reading “The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader: Becoming the Person Others Will Want to Follow” by John C. Maxwell (I love his style), and while “humility” isn’t listed, “servanthood” is – similar idea. My faith as a Christian also has some great examples of humility, from David to Jesus, examples that I try to follow and learn from.
Carrie, so glad you joined in. Thanks for expanding that. Yes, John Maxwell is fantastic for this… as is God 😉 Namaste.
Karin…your wisdom just keeps getting better. Thank you. Put this on Twitter just now. Will be asking those I mentor around the globe to read it and we will discuss. Thank you for leading so well.
Wes, thanks so much. That means so much. I am grateful for your sharing.
Can we teach leaders to be humble? I hope so. I work with college student leaders and this question came up just last week. It’s a tough one. We’re contemplating a group discussion on how we can “own” our strengths and accomplishments without having to broadcast them. It’s a skill that we need to develop not just for leadership positions, but for handling job interviews effectively and just getting along with others in life. Thanks for your great post!
Lee Anne. I hope so too. I love the idea of “owning” our strengths and accompishments in that way. I would love to hear more as your journey progresses.
I have lived in the enviroment of arrogant leadership and it is destructive. Humble leaders help those whom work with them grow dramatically. Arrogant leaders live in fear and stunt growth. I have much to learn about being humble…but knowing that is the first step.
Tom – I too have been subjected to arrogant leadership but I have found being exposed to that is a great personal motivator for personal humility. A great bible verse says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Blessings on your quest for humility.
Tom, thanks for adding that… yeah, I’ve found that too… you can learn a lot from leadership styles you dislike.
David, thanks for adding that. Great to have so many wonderful contributions today!
I’ve been going through QBQ the past few weeks, and it goes hand in hand with humility. Humility requires that you take personal accountability for your actions.
Joshua, thanks so much. Sounds like that is a helpful journey. Would love to hear more. Thanks for joining the conversation.
Karin, I think it is a great question and should be asked of leaders at all levels. I have to believe that humility can be learned if one honestly wants to learn to be more humble. It can only lead to greater self-awareness which should have a positive effect on one’s leadership style.
Linda, great to see you here. Self-awareness. Yes! Namaste.
Ben Franklin was all about self-improvement. He even undertook what he called ” the bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection.” His basic method was to examine himself on his performance of each of several virtues every day.
He started with twelve virtues. But, after a friend told him that he was often thought proud, he added “humility” as a thirteenth virtue. Here’s what he has to say about that.
“I cannot boast of much success in acquiring the reality of this virtue, but I had a good deal with regard to the appearance of it. I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others, and all positive assertion of my own.”
Wally, thanks so much. I did not know that about Ben Franklin. Thanks for making the conversation that much richer.
Thought provoking post Karin, thanks. I think that Modeling humility may be the most powerful lesson of all here. You can do all the other activities but if you’re not walking the talk it won’t have as much of an impact.
Also, I think a sixth lesson would be to practice appreciating the strengths and qualities of others. In my experience shifting the attention from self outward builds humility as well.
Ariana, Fully agree. Thanks so much for adding that. Love your sixth lesson.
Humility is the cousin of authenticity and a required attribute of servant leadership. In today’s customer-centric world, humility can lead to actually listening to customers’ needs and responding with empathy and innovation, rather than repeatedly asking what customers want and then doing what was already prescribed in your strategic business plan. Thanks for the reminder of the importance of this attribute — and the perspective that we can actually teach leaders how to adopt it.
Dear Anony, So glad you added that. What an important example! Don’t ask, if you don’t want to hear… as a leader…. as a marketer… as a parent… as a …
Thanks for this post– it is challenging to consider whether humility can be taught. I believe true humility is vitally linked to having a secure identity. So perhaps instrumental to teaching humility would be helping others discover an unshakable foundation on where to base their identity.
Tammy, thanks so much for that addition. I am totally with you. Feeling secure helps to create security for others. Amen.
Moving from I to WE…..celebrating others.
Karin and to all who offered their own valuable comments – thank you so much: This is important work – let’s all help this blog/website continue to grow to critical mass. Your messages and insights can transform the workplace, the lives of workers, and beyond. Can we take the growing collective wisdom of this group and share it through periodic e-books?
Ed and others. I have been absolutely delighted with the amazing contributoins on this post. The more we can share with one another, the more we all grow. That is my in intention for this community. I do see ebooks in the future, and have bee working on one. I would love suggestions from the LGL community on which topics are of most interest.
There is nothing more dishearteningfor some one working towards being a true leader than to have people in leadership positions above youthat believe it is all about them. Leadership is not about promoting yoirself it is aboit developing others. I have always believed a good leader developed not only one but multiple people that could take his/her place.Being humble is the foundation along with being authentic. If you do not have those two qualities first you are not really a leader.
Tom, thanks so much for your comment. “Being humble is the foundation of being authentic.” Amen.
The art of great questions is a great point of a way to show and encourage humility in leadership. It is in how we ask questions as well as in how we encourage questions from the quietest of the participants. It is listening and extending an opportunity to be heard.
Great post. Thanks! Jon
Jon, yes! Great questions. Thanks as always for your great comment.
Great comment!I usually use the sentence“How can I help you?” everytime an advisee or faculty member enters my office. Never thought about it this way! I shall retweet your comment and post it on facebook for my students to read. Thanks!
Love that!
Hoda, so great to see you here! Thanks for your comment. I am glad you are sharing Jon’s question with others. That’s exactly what this community is all about. Hope to see you back.
Excellent Post-so timely and accurate.
This definetely has the capacity to grow leaders.
Thank you!
I have seen many arrogant leaders in action – destructive action. They are so blind to the real good that others around them are doing – or if they recognize it, in their ‘need’ to be outstanding, they will put down the contributions of others, and puff up their own. In my experience arrogant leaders may begin to get interested in humility after a ‘good failure’ – one they cannot (rationally, at least) blame on anyone but themselves. That breaks through their false sense of invulnerability. Then, if they think about how much ‘luck’ was involved with their successes – things that happened that were out of their control; well, they get a little more humility. Then if they think they are just one of 7.2 billion people on the planet – and for such a fleeting period of time too – their humility can become even greater. Then, if they examine their flaws… well, you get the point. If an arrogant leader opens him or her self up to what life really has to teach us – I think they begin that journey towards humility – and take their first step towards what could become true greatness.
Jeff, Such important points. Thanks for expanding the conversation! This has been my experience too. ” In my experience arrogant leaders may begin to get interested in humility after a ‘good failure’ – one they cannot (rationally, at least) blame on anyone but themselves.”
Humility is important,. Remember that we are all growing, and we have all started from a place of near ignorance, and moved forward from there. The authentic leaders never forget that they started as beginners, and help others move forward as well. Leaders who continue learning will recognize that they start as beginners all the time, whenever they decide to learn something new.
How do we show leaders that it is important to be humble? Encourage them to teach others the best of what they know. That is the best way to leave a legacy. Humility is part of that bundle of authentic leadership skills.
Happy new years all!
Steve, Oh, I love that… “authentic leaders never forget that they started as beginners.”
Thanks 🙂
Young leaders can make a difference.
YES!!! They can!