Managing up well will build your influence, reduce stress, and improve your team’s performance.
“How do I change my boss?” This is one of the most frequently asked questions we hear from participants in our leadership development programs. So, let’s get this out of the way: You can’t change your boss. No matter how much you might wish otherwise, you can’t control another person’s behavior—especially someone with more formal authority. But what you can do is influence. Managing up means strengthening the relationship, communicating more effectively, and creating the conditions for more productive, strategic conversations. You can use four communication skills to be more influential, get more done, and reduce your stress:
Four Communication Skills for Managing Up Like a Pro
These four communication skills will help you manage up with confidence, clarity, and credibility—without coming across as a kissing up, being political, or trying too hard.
1. Understand What Matters Two Levels Up
To influence your manager, start by understanding what matters to them—and to their boss. This approach, called two-level thinking, helps you align your communication with organizational priorities.
Before you make a request or recommendation, ask yourself:
- What results is my manager accountable for?
- What is their manager focused on?
- What goals do they need to achieve?
- What pain do they need to avoid?
- How can I position my message to support those goals?
Example:
Instead of saying, “My team is burned out,” try:
“This pace is starting to impact quality, which could affect our client retention goals. Can we explore adjustments that keep us on track for this quarter?”
The more relevant your message is to their strategic objectives, the more influence you’ll have.
How to Learn What Matters Most When Managing Up
You might read this and think, “Okay, but how do I know what my boss’s boss thinks?” Here are several respectful, professional ways you can learn what your boss’s boss cares about—without overstepping or appearing political.
Ask Your Manager Directly and Respectfully
Frame your curiosity by highlighting your commitment to shared success. For example:
“As I think about how I can contribute more strategically, I’d love to better understand how our team’s work connects to our senior leadership’s priorities. What are the key outcomes our department is focused on this quarter?” Or: “I’m working on aligning my priorities with the bigger picture. What would success look like from [senior leader’s name]’s perspective?”
Pay Attention to What Your Manager Prioritizes
Listen for repeated themes, urgent projects, or frequent mentions of specific results or metrics. If your manager consistently talks about customer churn, speed to delivery, or talent development, it’s likely those are areas their leader is tracking closely as well.
Ask yourself:
- What metrics does my manager focus on in meetings?
- Which projects are getting the most attention or resources?
- What does my manager seem most accountable for?
Attend All-Hands or Town Hall Meetings
If your organization offers senior leadership updates, show up with intention. Listen for the language and outcomes that your boss’s boss emphasizes—these are clear signals of what matters.
Take note of strategic themes, KPIs or milestones, cultural or operational messages they repeat. Then connect your work—and your conversations with your manager—back to those objectives.
Review Public Communications
If your organization publishes annual reports, press releases, strategic plans, or internal newsletters, read them. These often reflect leadership’s stated goals and values.
Here are key times you can look for:
- Mission or vision language
- Strategic goals or themes (e.g., growth, innovation, efficiency)
- Named priorities for the quarter or year
Ask Cross-Functional Peers or Mentors
If you know someone who has worked closely with senior leadership or sees more of the big picture, you can ask informally: “In your experience, what seems to be most important to [name or role] right now?”
This is especially helpful in matrixed environments where priorities shift quickly or vary by function.
Watch Where Resources Go
You can often tell where your leadership’s focus is by looking at where they invest time, budget, or people.
By asking and observing with humility and purpose, you show initiative and build trust while helping you lead more effectively from where you are.
2. Communicate with Data and Insight
When you want to influence your manager, make the business case. That means bringing data, yes. But your boss needs more than just your numbers. They need you to provide context, interpretation, and make a clear recommendation. When you present data:
- Share the story behind the numbers.
- Offer a point of view or recommendation.
- Anticipate and answer your manager’s likely questions.
Example:
“Based on the current trends, I recommend we shift resources to this initiative for the next 60 days. You probably have some questions about what will do to xyz. I’ve reviewed the tradeoffs and can walk you through the implications.”
Bringing both insight and structure to the conversation helps your manager make informed decisions—and builds your credibility.
For more on managing up with data, check out: Managing Up: Turning Information into Influence with Your Boss
3. Say Yes to Say No
©Karin Hurt and David Dye 2025
If your manager makes a request that just isn’t feasible, a direct “no” can feel rude or dismissive. Instead, affirm the underlying goal and then clearly explain the tradeoffs, followed by a constructive alternative.
Example:
“I see how important this is, and I want to support it. Adding it now would delay project A, which we identified as critical for this quarter. One option would be to adjust the timeline or bring in additional help. What are your thoughts?”
This approach shows your commitment to shared success.
For more on managing up when you’re overwhelmed or need to say no, check out:
- Overwhelmed at Work? How to Express Your Stress and Get the Help You Need
- Setting Healthy Boundaries: What to Say When You Need to Say No (podcast)
4. Ask Permission Before Offering Feedback
Providing potentially critical feedback to your manager is sensitive. To do it effectively, tie your feedback to a shared goal and ask for permission first. This gives your manager the opportunity to engage willingly, which makes the conversation more productive.
Example:
“I know increasing client retention is a top priority. I’ve observed something that might help. Would you be open to a quick idea?”
If they agree, share your feedback respectfully and concisely. If they decline, let it go and maintain the relationship. The goal is to offer value—not to correct.
Your Turn
These four communication skills for managing up will help you build a more effective and strategic relationship with your boss. Developing these skills takes intention and practice. But as you use them consistently, you’ll find more clarity, confidence, and impact in your communication. Here are some reflection questions to help you apply these skills:
- Which of these communication strategies do you most need to strengthen?
- What are your manager’s top three priorities right now—and how can you align with them?
- What’s one upcoming conversation where you can use “say yes to say no”?
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