One Communication Skill to Reduce Conflict and Improve Relationships at Work

To improve relationships at work, reflect to connect

Have you ever had a conversation at work take a turn you weren’t expecting—suddenly, voices rise, arms fold, and you feel the tension? Maybe you walked away wondering, “What just happened? How did we get here?” In those moments, you might feel like defending your position, explain your point more clearly, or even disengage completely. But any of these reactions will only damage your relationships at work.

How can you prevent these conflicts from blowing up?

You can transform those tough conversations into opportunities for connection and understanding with one straightforward communication skill.

It’s called Reflect to Connect, and it’s one of the most powerful tools you can add to your leadership toolkit to build stronger relationships at work. In fact, it is one of our twelve GOAT (Greatest of All Time) powerful phrases for dealing with workplace conflict.

Reflect to Connect for Better Relationships at Work

Reflect to Connect means to share your sense of what a person’s feeling and ask if your understanding is correct.

It sounds simple, but it requires intentional practice. Here’s how it works:

Pay Attention to Emotional Cues: Notice the other person’s tone of voice, body language, and word choice.

Name the Emotion: Identify what you think they’re feeling. For example, “It sounds like you’re frustrated” or “I’m sensing that you might be feeling overwhelmed.”

Check for Accuracy: Ask for confirmation. “Am I understanding you correctly?” or “Is that how you’re feeling?”

This technique has several powerful effects:

1. It helps the other person feel seen and heard—a fundamental human need.
2. It slows down the conversation, giving both of you a chance to process emotions before reacting.
3. And finally, it lessens the intensity of powerful emotions, opening the door to continued conversation.

Why Reflect to Connect Works

At its core, Reflect to Connect works because it addresses the emotional undercurrent of any conversation. Most workplace conflicts have more going on than the surface-level issue you’re discussing.

That conversation about customer support priorities or data-sharing could have emotional needs in play: feeling disrespected, unheard, or undervalued.

When you acknowledge someone’s emotions, you meet these needs head-on and improve relationships at work.

Consider this scenario:

You’re in a meeting, and a team member snaps, “I’m sick of these last-minute requests!”

If you’re like us, your instinct might be to defend yourself with logic or facts: “It wasn’t last-minute. I sent that request two days ago.” But even if that’s true, saying so won’t help the conversation move forward.

Instead, try Reflect to Connect:

“It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated with how things are coming to you. Is that right?”

Nine times out of ten, this approach will diffuse the tension. The person will likely respond, “Yeah, I am frustrated. It feels like I never have enough time to do my best work.”

Now you’re able to address the actual issue—their need for better planning and communication—rather than escalating the conflict.

Practical Tips to Use Reflect to Connect

1. Start with Curiosity

Approach every conversation with the mindset that you don’t fully understand what the other person is experiencing (because you can’t – you’re not them). Curiosity opens the door to empathy and stronger relationships at work.

Instead of assuming you know why someone is upset, ask yourself, “What might they be feeling right now?”

2. Be Comfortable with Discomfort

Reflecting emotions can feel awkward at first. You might worry you’ll get it wrong or that it’s too personal for a professional setting.

But here’s the truth: People crave connection, even at work. It’s better to try and miss the mark than to ignore the emotional reality of a conversation. And caring enough to ask gives the other person a chance to clarify how they feel.

If you’re unsure, you can soften your language:

“I might be off here, but it sounds like you’re feeling…”

3. Practice in Low-Stakes Situations

Before using Reflect to Connect in high-stakes meetings, practice it in everyday interactions.

For example, if a colleague seems excited, you could reflect, “You seem really energized about this project. Is it exciting?”

Common Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

Even with the best intentions, it’s easy to make mistakes when using Reflect to Connect. Here are a few common pitfalls and how to avoid them:

1. Misreading the Emotion

This isn’t actually a pitfall. It’s okay to get it wrong. If you reflect an emotion and the other person corrects you, that’s progress and you cared enough to ask. Maybe they respond:

“Actually, I’m not frustrated; I’m more disappointed.”

This gives you valuable insight. Don’t be afraid of being corrected—it deepens the conversation and builds better relationships at work.

2. Skipping the Check-In

You never want to label or tell someone how they feel. Naming their emotion and assuming you’re correct feels presumptuous. Always follow up with a question to check your understanding.

3. Using It as a Tactic

Reflect to Connect isn’t a manipulative trick. It only works if you genuinely care about understanding the other person’s experience and improving your relationships at work.

The Ripple Effect of Reflect to Connect

When you use Reflect to Connect, you don’t just reduce unnecessary conflict—you’ll build a culture of empathy and understanding. People will feel safer sharing their thoughts and feelings, knowing they won’t be dismissed or misunderstood.

Over time, this technique can:

• Improve team morale
• Build stronger relationships at work
• Increase trust and psychological safety

Imagine a workplace where people don’t have to raise their voices to be heard—where conflicts are resolved through understanding, not argument. That’s the power of Reflect to Connect.

Your Turn to Build Better Relationships at Work

The next time you find yourself in a tense conversation, pause. Take a breath. Reflect back what you think the other person feels and ask if you’re right.

You might be surprised at the doors it opens.

Because here’s the truth: everyone wants to feel seen and heard. When you meet that need, you transform conflict into connection—and create a workplace where people truly want to work together.

You might be interested in:

• Workplace Communication: Stop Asking “Do You Understand?” (and do this instead)
• Better Teamwork: 12 Practical Team Habits to Build Deeper Connection
• How to Successfully Transform Your Team’s Conflict to Collaboration (podcast)