I met a fellow keynote speaker at a conference where we both presenting. She was a seasoned entrepreneur who had built a successful business from scratch, so what she had to share with me was surprising.
Karin, I’m so intrigued by this research you’re doing on FOSU (fear of speaking up) and the downstream consequences for employees and organizations. The truth is I’m one of those people. I had such a bad experience when I was 23, that I would never offer my opinion at work again.
I was just out of college and so eager to make an impact in my new role. I had tons of ideas and was always looking for ways to make things better. So I offered my opinion on EVERYTHING. Which as it turns out, was exhausting to everyone around me. I got fired and was completely devastated. After all, my heart was in the right place. I was gung ho. But, the truth is, I was commited but clumsy.
Once I got back on my feet in a new job, I kept my head down, my mouth shut, and just did my job. I had this FOSU thing you talk about in a big way. And I was misearable.
It’s why I eventually had to go start my own business. I knew I would never speak up to an employer again.
Please feel free to share my story.
I hope it can help leaders understand the long-term damage they can do to emerging leaders who may have good ideas, but just haven’t learned the skills to position them well. Also leaders need to understand how easy it is to lose high-potential talent when you scare them into suppressing their best thinking instead of teaching them the skills they need to get their point across.
I thought back to one of my own early-career, well-intended, clumsy moves. I was an inexperienced HR manager attending a meeting on employee engagement where I told a room full of VPs, all with at least a decade more experience than me, that they were completely wrong. But in contrast to my new friend’s experience, here’s what the SVP took me aside and said next.
Karin, You’ve got great ideas, but you’re incredibly clumsy. As a manager, you don’t tell a room full of VPs that all of them are wrong in a meeting with their peers, and in front of their boss! You quietly take notes, and then talk with a few of them offline to stakeholder your ideas. You really ticked me off, so I couldn’t even process what you were saying. But I’ve been thinking about it and you’re right. I’d like you to lead the HR leg of this project. You help me fix this problem and I’ll help you learn how to navigate politically so you don’t sabotage what could be a promising career. Sound like a deal?
I took her up on her offer, and she became an amazing mentor.
The Cost of Ignoring Your Emerging Leader’s Ideas
When I tell some executives about our FOSU research, sometimes they laugh. “Oh, that’s not OUR issue. Our problem is these damn millennials can’t stop speaking up. They complain about everything.”
“And do you listen?” I ask.
“Some of the time, but after a while you can only take so much.”
Which begs the question. And then what happens? After you’re tired and they’re ignored?
I imagine it’s only a matter of time until they stop trying, or leave.
If you want to create better ideas positioned well, it’s worth the investment to teach them well.
4 Ways to Help Your Emerging Leaders Articulate Their Ideas
1. Give them perspective.
When leaders come to us wishing their team was more strategic or are frustrated that their employees are all fired up about some small issue that’s not so important in the grand scheme of things, what we often find is a gap in strategic communication. For employees to position their ideas well, they need context. Be sure you’re articulating the “why” behind strategic business initiatives.
2. Provide candid feedback about how their behavior is holding them back.
One problem with over-generalizing about “this millennial problem,” we so often hear about– the feeling that these emerging leaders want everything right now and feel entitled to say whatever is on their minds–is that managers are often afraid to address the issue because they see it as a generation problem, not an individual needing guidance, training, and support. And so, these emerging leaders don’t get the feedback they need and the behavior continues.
They don’t hear that saying the same thing in a different way would be 1000 times more impactful. No one tells them why jumping over their boss to bring an issue to the senior leader without context is a problem.
Here’s the truth. I was a clumsy emerging leader. So was the keynote speaker who got fired from her first job for speaking up. I imagine you were or are one too.
Care enough to have the tough conversation.
3. Build problem solving competencies.
“Don’t bring me a problem without a solution” is the fastest way to get your team to stop bringing you problems. Work to build problem-solving competencies on your team. Try this simple 9 Whats Coaching Model technique as a start.
4. Teach them the power of stakeholders.
In our emerging leader training programs, we teach the V.O.I.C.E. technique for positioning ideas which includes understanding and involving stakeholders and other key influencers.
We don’t just need more people speaking up, we need to help our emerging leaders speak up in a way that can be heard so their ideas can add the most value. It’s worth slowing down and giving our new managers the skills and encouragement they need to do that well.
Your turn.
How do you help your emerging leaders better position their ideas?
For me the first step in helping others overcome the FOSU is for me to overcome my FODA.
The Fear of Dancing Awkwardly (FODA) can effectively stop us from engaging a bright, articulate, confident employee at a meaningful level. To reach out and connect to give corrective feedback, share insights, and offer mentoring for success takes confidence and skill born of experience. When you make the decision to reach out your hand and offer a deeper level of interpersonal commitment whether for the first time at a high school dance or after an action packed meeting at work it is important to set FODA aside and dance anyway.
Jay, love it! Thanks so much for adding your meaningful insights. You raise an important point. It’s easy to put our self-protection over the greater good for others and for the mission. After all, it’s safer to say nothing… but that’s not what’s going to lead to long-term improvement. Here’s to dancing anyway.
Jay, what a great analogy. Yes!
First of all – props to Jay for FODA – what a great visual! I’m still learning how to implement what I’m about to say, but in addition to your points (not assuming that millennials (or whatever “other” generation) are “just that way”), I’m also trying to think about the “how” of giving my encouragement to speak up. I say, repeatedly, “ask questions” and “there’s no stupid question” but I’m trying to be a bit more anticipatory and bring up issues that I see percolating, to give them an opportunity to share. In a mostly virtual environment, there are a few other wrinkles there that present challenges. Thanks for these ideas.
Paula, Thanks so much for adding your great insights! I love the idea of anticipating issues and bringing them up through powerful questions. We’ve also been thinking a lot about the virtual environment and the research we are in the midst of digs into that… so more coming 😉
I love asking the question; “Great idea- if someone brought this idea to you how would you like it presented to you…and put some meat on the bones when you answer that question please?” Always seems to get folks thinking and almost always generates a great discussion about the idea and possible avenues of travel they neither of us had considered.
Oh, Langford, I LIKE THAT! What a great way to get someone to think more critically about their own communication. Thanks for sharing!
It occurred to me that David’s very popular post on helping people solve problems on their own might also be helpful for those of you interested in supporting your emerging leaders. https://letsgrowleaders.com/2018/05/01/9-questions-to-help-your-team-solve-problems-on-their-own/
Thank you for your post, I am often thinking about FOSU. I am a young professional on a college campus, and often watch two scenarios occur. The first is from staff members that think they know the one and only way of doing things, for they have been here for 20+ years. The other scenario is young professionals coming in and stirring things up to fit in with what the students want to see. Neither scenario is wrong, in fact I often find myself saying, this isn’t the wrong way of doing it, just a different right way.
It is on us as professionals to find that fitting balance between both groups. Both come in with great ideas, being from either their experience or their studies, which means they get to offer a unique perspective. I think what we have is not FOSU, but rather, FOGSD (Fear of Getting Shot Down). It is not the speaking up that is the scary part, it’s the fear of rejection from our mentors and the people we look up to. If we can find the ways to speak up and be heard, rather than speak up and flinch, than we will be in a good place.
Ben, FOGSD, I like that so much I think it might need to go in the next book! You raise such an important point here– the fear of rejection is so real. When we can help organizations tap into the best ideas everyone has to offer and really listen and consider them– that can lead to amazing transformation and synergy. Great stuff.
As a marketing executive, I appreciate the feedback and discussion. One of the biggest challenges I have seen is the conversation not centering around why. Executives are making decisions, and when everyone in the organization is moving so quickly, there is an inability to challenge and question because the why is not understood. Without the why, everyone is just getting stuff done. With no context, the tough conversation may not even be the right conversation.
What is think is interesting is that this is so often being described as a millennial problem. I have seen characteristics about millennials that make me shake my head, but the leadership challenge spans all generations.
I hope that some of your leadership principals, specifically around FOSU, can become universal language. I know I continue to reflect and challenge myself on a regular basis, in my work and personal life. Tough conversations lead to change and change can most certainly lead to results.
Laura, Thank you so much! And I fully agree. It’s nearly impossible to think and act strategically if you don’t understand the big picture. I love you line “without the why, everyone is just getting stuff done.” Yup.
I also really believe it’s not just a millennial problem– this is a leadership challenge is generationally agnostic 😉 Great to have you join the conversation.