Surviving Moody People at Work:
How to Stay Sane When Everyone Else is Stormy
You know the type. One moment they’re sunshine and unicorns, the next they’re raining sarcasm with a side of snarl. Yup, you’re working with a moody person. Maybe they’re your peer. Maybe (gulp) they’re your boss. Either way, you’re dodging emotional landmines and wondering if you need a hazmat suit for Monday morning meetings.
Before you Google “remote jobs with no people ever,” take a deep breath. You’re not alone—and you’re not helpless. Let’s unpack five smart, compassionate ways to deal with moody people at work without losing your own cool.
5 Ways to Get Past Moody People at Work
1. Find A Safe Way To Talk About It
Talk About the Mood… Without Making It Weird
When someone’s emotional weather changes by the hour, it’s tempting to ignore it and hope for a sunny forecast. But avoidance is not your friend.
If it feels safe, try gently naming the storm. I once had a moody boss who oscillated between “Boardroom Barbie” and “Post-Apocalyptic Barbie.” Our team gave her two dolls—one perfect and polished, the other disheveled with wild hair and a Sharpie face tattoo. She laughed (thankfully) and used them as a mood barometer on her desk. When “Grumpy Barbie” was out, we knew to lay low.
You might not be able to gift dolls at work, but you can say:
“I noticed it seems like today’s been especially tough. Is there anything I can do to support you right now?”
That’s a combo of curiosity and compassion—and it’s a phrase straight from the GOAT list of conflict conversation starters.
2. Notice The Patterns
Moodiness usually isn’t random. There’s a pattern. And if you’re paying attention, you can avoid stepping into the emotional splash zone.
Maybe they’re always tense before deadlines. Or mornings are rough until that third espresso hits. Chart it mentally. (Just don’t literally make a spreadsheet and leave it on your desk. Ask me how I know.)
Then, time your requests, meetings, or check-ins accordingly. This isn’t manipulation—it’s strategy. It’s mood-weather forecasting.
3. Understand Root Cause
Moody people aren’t always jerks. Sometimes, they’re tired. Or anxious. Or overwhelmed by things they’re not ready to talk about.
Imagine how you’d want someone to approach your bad day. Maybe like this:
“It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now. Do I have that right?”
That phrase is reflective gold—and often enough to defuse tension or even spark a meaningful conversation.
4. Don’t Reward The Behavior
It’s tempting to cater to the storm just to keep peace. But if you reward the growly behavior, guess what you’re going to get more of?
Instead, stay calm. Set boundaries. If they’re snapping mid-conversation, try this:
“It seems like emotions are running high right now. Would it be okay if we picked this back up in an hour or two?”
It’s firm but respectful. You’re signaling that the conversation matters—but not at the expense of your sanity.
5. Keep Your Cool
When emotions are contagious (and they are), your best defense is a steady emotional immune system. Don’t let someone else’s funk fog up your mindset.
This part is tricky, especially if their mood feels personal. It’s probably not. And even if it is, responding with calm confidence keeps you in control:
“I care about our work and want us to succeed. Let’s figure out how to move forward.”
That’s a power phrase that builds connection while setting the tone for collaboration.
Don’t Miss These Articles on Dealing with Moody People at Work
Powerful Phrases for Dealing with a Moody Boss: Even a Dropper of F-Bombs
How to Manage a Strong, Arrogant, Slightly Obnoxious High Performer
Beyond the Drama: How to De-Escalate an Emotional Conversation at Work
Or, get all kinds of workplace communication advice for dealing with moody people at work and other challenging cor-workers in our new book, Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict; What to Say Next to de-Stress the Workday, Build Collaboration, and Calm Difficult Customers.
Note this article was update May 27, 2025.
Karin- watch out as I am moody at this moment! You touch upon a touchy issue. I wonder if we know always the root causes of changing moods. Is is a vague chemistry. I heard many people say I am in a bad mood, but don’t know why. That is why your balanced menu is great. Mood patterns- that is a great idea to think about.
On a personal level- I keep my negative mood to myself. I isolate myself till I feel better. Know the causes? Not always- I have to admit.
Ali, Thanks as always for your insights. Oh, I’ve got my moods for sure too 😉 It’s all part of being human. Noticing them in ourselves is so important as leaders… and also being open to feedback from others when we can’t see it.
When someone is moody, I never take it personally.
There’s something going on in their life that has nothing to do with me.
Steve, That’s a great approach. Thanks, as always.
Good advice Steve. Thank you!
“How do you deal with a moody person at work?”
Not well.
I’ve got to digest a few of these. I think they are great tips.
I usually just get annoyed and then fire someone…seriously, it’s one thing I don’t deal with very well for some reason.
Thanks Karin!
Matt, I know it can be hard… I agree with Steve, stepping away and knowing something else must be going on can really help.
Good point. I think it depends on if it is chronic moodiness or occasional. If it is in-character or out of character for them.
I was at a great seminar on the weekend and we discussed how moods can transfer to others in a team. Maybe its the poor example being set and the ‘what’s ok here’ rules being re-set if it happens enough.
If its a one-off, no problem. If it’s enough to chart (that’s fantastic Karin) I’d have a go at tackling it head-on, e.g. “your moods are distracting and not helpful”.
Hopefully before this I’ve been following Karin’s other advice and they’ll know I’m saying this with genuine care for them.
The danger is, if the person is under extreme stress, they may not even realise they are in a ‘mood’. For those people, they will be thinking its us not them. Still, I’d cross that bridge if I came to it, while holding up my ‘I care about you’ sign. The gift of care can be quite disarming to those receiving it.
@Ali-
I think the fact that you have recognized you are in a bad mood is fantastic. Regarding knowing why,,, sometimes (not always) I find its not worth dwelling on it,, and just move on or take action like you have.
Dallas- thanks for your great feedback. Yes, I fully agree. Mood is a transitional state and soon shall convert to a better one.
Dallas, I’m off to the printer to make “I care about you signs.”
I think being aware that a person is moody is half the battle. The other half is protecting yourself against any emotional abuse and just staying calm. It’s crazy that sometimes we allow their moodiness to control us.
Loved the post and no I am not moody, Karin! You always know where I stand and I tend to be even.
Terri, yeah… I agree…it’s terrible when we let other people’s moods control us.
This is one of the more significant challenges I face as a remote worker. I’m 500 miles away from my direct manager so our meetings are mainly phone calls. Most of the time it’s great but he can be moody and I never know what to expect when I answer the call.
I too have a doll for my manager. But it’s on my end and I sometimes jab it with pins 🙂
Bill,
Why pins? why not in Japanese style with sticks! No body is peeping!
Basudeb
Bill, I’ve worked for remote bosses and been a remote leader for years. I agree it’s so much harder from a distance… you can’t really know everything that’s going on, and it’s harder to understand the nuances. I think not taking it personally is even more vital in such circumstances… and also getting face to face from time to time, and using those opportunities to forge a deeper relationship.
Good post. If you do find the pattern you can mark it in your calendar.
Marcus, thanks. Anything that helps you feel more empowered to cope with it more proactively is great.
Great tips! I always am calm whenever someone is being irrational with me or is just in a bad mood. It takes years of learning but once you mastered it your life becomes a lot easier! Great post!
Sam, Thanks so much. It’s hard to beat a good calm.
Loved the visual image of the barbie dolls!
A great illustration of the importance of emotional intelligence in recognizing the moods of other people…and our own!
Great post!
LaRae, Thanks so much.
“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” – Aristotle
Sometimes moodiness is the inability to express an anger or frustration. Or maybe the desire not to. Either way these things build up and can make a person very moody. I used to work for a man that did this on a regular basis. We learned that in order to avoid the worst of his moods we needed to give him an outlet to express those frustrations. Once given the chance to vent those issues his mood would improve a great deal. Eventually he learned to be more vocal about the issues as these came up and there was less moodiness overall.
Bonnie, Such an important point. It’s easy to write people off as “moody” who may really have something very important to say… it’s so important to get underneath that. It’s not easy, but worth it.
another great discussion. And by the way, I so enjoy all of you contributors.
I’ve reflected on this all day. I don’t think I’m moody, but what I do have to guard against are the patterns which I see in how I emotionally respond to others. In particular when someone is negative about new ideas or initiatives, I have to avoid the emotional response of irritation, anger and moodiness. I need to choose to remain positive and constructive.
thanks!
Bill, That’s such an important extension of this discussion. We also need to recognize or triggers and levels of tolerence. Our fuse may be shorter in certain arenas… i know that’s an ongoing challenge for me. Great add.
For me, like many others, the key is NOT to take it personally–it almost never is. That really helps me to stay calm or not engage.
I love the tip about finding a safe way to talk about it, even if it’s not as formal as your Barbie dolls. When something is named it looses much of it’s power. The minute another person says (in a non-judgemental way), “I can see this is not the best time”, most moody people will relax.
Often the person I am judging as mad is really being passionate. For me, changing the definition makes it easier handle, perhaps it’s because it’s easier to let go of the worry they are mad at me. 😉
If I am stuck in a situation with a moody (or worse) person, it helps to visualize a glass wall between myself and the other person. I can still see and hear everything, participate if I choose, but have something to relax behind.
Lisa, I so love the idea of the glass wall… protection and awareness… beautiful. You also raise an important point about misconstrued passion… yes, yes… that’s so often the case. Thanks for expanding the conversation.
Seeing if it is a pattern is key point. Everyone has a bad day from time to time. But, the worst thing a leader can do is to ignore a trend and not address the behavior. Using empathy along with focusing on the issue to be resolved will be key skills to apply. Solid points offered in your post and the comments. Thanks, Karin!
Jon
Jon, Thanks so much. You’re right, we all have a bad day from time to time. I’m on a (very delayed) train from NJ right now… trying to feel jolly 😉 Reading comments helps.
A ton of replies! What a conversation! Karin — I like how you begin the article with the words “passion, intensity, commitment”. I read that and stopped right away to reflect that the words we use to frame the behavior of someone else is so important. Even the most empathetic person on the Earth will never know exactly what it is to be in another person’s shoes. So we are left with what we observe — and then approximate words to label the person and the behavior. The words we use go a long way to informing how we feel and react to that person. As some wise soul said to me many times last year, “Be curious” about another person’s behavior. Being curious is a neutral response to a behavior we don’t understand.
David, That’s GREAT advice… “stay curious” about another person’s behaviore. I’m using that. Terrific add. Thank you!