How to Build a Better Relationship With Your Boss… Without Kissing Up
I don’t know your boss.
She may be great. He may be a pain in the neck. He may be supportive. She may be a real witch.
I’ve been that boss. I’ve had all those bosses.
My guess is your boss also…
- wants you to succeed
- is dealing with pressures you don’t fully understand
- sometimes feels overwhelmed
- is trying to please a boss too
- is working to balance work and family
- wants to do the best she can
- could use your help
There’s the age-old advice “always make your boss look good.” I find it also useful to make them feel good– reduce the stress by making their job a bit easier.
5 Ways To Support Your Boss
1. Sweat the small stuff
Do what you say you will, without reminding. Get ahead of deadlines. Administrative work is a drag, your boss has better things to do than to chase down your paperwork.
2. Communicate frequently in bulleted summaries
Leaders often suffer from information overload. They are often called upon to summarize complex issues on the fly, that’s not when they want to go digging through emails. Resist the urge to cc and forward emails without a summary attached.
3. Uncover issues & address them
Your boss knows there are problems, shielding her from them will only make her nervous. Lift up the issues you are finding, along with the solutions to address them. She will sleep better knowing you are paying attention and are all over it.
4. Thank them for their help
Be honest and specific. Done well and privately this is not brown-nosing– it’s feedback that can help him help you. As a side benefit, they will grow as a leader because they’ll know what’s working.
You get more of what you encourage and celebrate and less of what you ignore.
5. Document your accomplishments
This is not bragging, it’s useful. Well-timed, detailed summaries help to support the performance management process.
See Also: How to Help Your Boss Give You a Better Performance Review
and… Avoid These Great Boss Mistakes
Like other good things in life, a great boss relationship, taken to extremes, can wreak havoc with your career. I’ve seen otherwise smart and talented people lose credibility by over-aligning with a great boss.
Be sure to diversify your relationship investments and avoid these common traps.
These five practical approaches are a great start to supporting your boss and helping them to help you.
Your turn. What would you add as #6?
See Also: Managing Your Boss: Get the Feedback You Need in 10 Minutes or Less (Includes Free Tool)
Managing Up: Keep Your Team Informed About a Struggling Team Member
Managing Up With Grace: How to Give Your Boss Better Feedback (With Video)
Fast Company: Ten Common Excuses That Silently Damage Manager’s Careers
I love this list! I have an employee who cannot bullet anything out. This person continues to write LONG emails to everyone even when encouraged to create a list with bullets or to use paragraphs and space between them. How do you help when someone just won’t respond to feedback?
Thanks so much. Long emails are a common challenge for sure. I learned this the hard way. Years ago I had a senior leader call me and say, Karin “I’m going to sort by your name and delete every email you have sent me. I suggest you summarize it all into 5 bullet points and send me what I really need to know in the next hour.” Great feedback. I sure heard it.
The larger issue you raise here about helping people who won’t respond to feedback can be tricky. I would start with questions, and examples of exactly what you are looking for.
So delighted to have you joining the Let’s Grow Leaders community and adding to the conversation.
– Thank you so much for this.
– Reminder that bullet points are good!
– I write long emails.
– He writes almost abrupt ones.
– But they are often positive:
‘Thanks!’ Or ‘awesome!’ ????
– I will from now on avoid ANY unnecessary replies, even ‘DONE!’ or ‘OK’. He knows I get my shizzle done, I don’t have to tell him.
I know this post is 10 years old, but I hope you get my thanks. Really so valuable.
Great words!! I always tried to anticipate the needs of my boss or bosses so that I could think beyond where they were. As you stated they don’t need to be involved in the administrative work (when I was an admin) That was what I was there for. Bosses that are comfortable in their own skin help achieve this dynamic by helping you see the big picture. That way you can truly see what is needed and why.
This is a really good perspective! I need to share this next time I hear someone complaining about their boss!
I’ve always kept one thing in mind in my career, “try make my boss look good”. Because of that, even when I’ve had “pain in the neck bosses”, I’ve almost always done well.
Getting people to understand that they don’t know what their boss knows is tough sometimes, but it’s so true!
Good stuff as usual!
This is a really great perspective! I need to share this next time I hear someone complaining about their boss!
I’ve always kept one thing in mind in my career, “try make my boss look good”. Because of that, even when I’ve had “pain in the neck bosses”, I’ve almost always done well.
Getting people to understand that they don’t know what their boss knows is tough sometimes, but it’s so true!
Good stuff as usual!
Cindy, thanks for joining the conversation. That’s a great add, anticipating needs. Also, yes the more you understand the big picture, the easier it is to help.
Bob, thanks for continuing to enhance the conversation. You raise an important issue… how do you coach to this and get people to understand the whole picture.
I like this and definitely will share. I just heard someone complain about not being supported by their manager. My question (in my head) was what are you doing to support your manager.
Thanks so much AJ! All relationships go both ways, and mutual support makes all the difference. Thanks for expanding the conversation and sharing.
My youngish but old soul boss – very overextended – has a wife who so often not healthy – for weeks and months on end. And two little boys. These are all excellent ways I can support him in good times and not-great times. Thank you all.