What to Say Next to De-Stress Family Conflict and Connect With Your Kids
(and Yourself)
Whenever we do a media interview about our new book, Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict, the interviewer or audience member inevitably says,”You know. These phrases would work wonders with my kids.”
Yes. They sure will. Particularly the G.O.A.T.s. (Greatest of All Time, top 12). I’m a big believer in talking to your kids more like grown-ups.
This got me and my friend, Kiersten Lortz, talking about additional Powerful Phrases moms (and dads) can use when the going gets rough with their kids. So I gave her the 4 dimensions of productive conflict and invited her to offer some “magic mom words” from her experience as a mom (who has been through a lot), a coach, and an inspiring women’s conference organizer.
So in honor of Mother’s Day, we share a few of Kiersten Lortz’s, magic mom words to de-stress your day, build collaboration, and calm cranky kids (see her amazing credentials at the bottom of this article). See Also: Why Moms Make Amazing Leaders.
Magic Mom Words to Connect with Your Kids
Connection: Do we know one another as human beings?
Connection starts with those affirmations you whisper to yourself in the bathroom mirror (or shout over the sound of your kids arguing about who stuffed what up the other one’s nose). Saying (and believing) affirmations like “I am bold, I am strong, I am courageous,” helps you connect to your strengths.
And to connect with your kids, keep the channels open. Asking questions like, “It sounds like you’re feeling______, how can I help?” can be a game changer. Even though “because I said so,” is oh so tempting, most of the time “I hear you” is a better choice 😉
Powerful Affirmations to Align with Your Authentic Desires
- I am bold, I am strong, I am courageous.
- I desire a day that’s productive AND joyful.
- I will stop judging the ways I fall short, and focus on what I can improve.
- What activities/projects/etc help me feel most like myself?
For Your Family
- It sounds like you’re feeling__________, how can I help?
- I hear you saying___________, what are you looking for from me?
- I’m proud of who you are and the choices you make.
- I’m glad I get to be your mom.
Powerful Phrases to Create Clarity for Yourself and Your Family
Clarity: Do we have a shared understanding of success?
Next up, clarity—because understanding what you really want can be as elusive as a quiet bathroom break. Question yourself: “Do I really want to do this or do I feel obligated?” Whether it’s signing up for another school fundraiser or agreeing to host the next family reunion on top of your day job, knowing your limits is key.
And for the love of peace, help your family find clarity too, with questions like, “What’s the most important thing you can do this afternoon? Clarity of shared purpose is a great way to connect with your kids.
Powerful Questions to Create Clarity for Yourself
- Do I really want to do this or do I feel obligated to do it?
- At this moment, which is more important, family or work?
- Is there something I can do that would make other things easier?
- How do I want to spend my days? Am I doing what brings me joy?
- What parameters can I put around my time so I can be fully present?
Magic Mom Words to Create Clarity for Your Family
- What’s the most important thing you can do this afternoon?
- This is why I do the work that I do.
- __________ (insert important thing here) is very important this week. Let’s talk about what we can all do to make this a priority.
Important Questions to Show Up Curious
Curiosity: Are we genuinely interested in other perspectives and what’s possible?
Phrases like “That’s an interesting thought. What made you come to that conclusion?” lead to discoveries about deeper motivations.
Powerful Phrases to Get Curious About You
- If I could pursue a new hobby/interest/skill, what would it be?
- Where do I see myself in 5 years? Is that where I want to be?
- If not, what needs to change?
- Am I careful with my tone in addition to my words? What does my tone convey to my family?
Powerful Phrase to Show Up Curious with Your Family
- Tell me more. (Note: As it turns out, this is one of our Connection G.O.A.T. Powerful Phrases as well).
- That’s an interesting thought. What made you come to that conclusion? Why do you feel that way?
- What’s one thing I can do to be a better mom?
Magic Mom Words to Build Commitment
Commitment: Do we have a clear agreement?
Commitment powerful phrases are all about making and keeping shared agreements. Creating mutual shared accountability is one of the fastest ways to reduce family stress.
Powerful Phrases to Ask Yourself
- Do I keep commitments to myself as well as I keep commitments to others?
- If not, why do I come through for others but not myself?
- I will begin setting goals which are attainable and reasonable to set myself up for success and generate wins.
Powerful Phrases to Create Shared Agreement with Your Family
- “What do you need by when?
- “I’m counting on you to do this by tomorrow afternoon.”
- “If you want me to come, I will be there. Would you like me to come? Would you like me to be there? Be a part of that event/field trip/etc.?”
- Let’s schedule a time to talk about this again.
These magic mom words are powerful and tender. Let them be bridges that connect, walls that protect, and seeds that grow the future. As you use these phrases, you are not just speaking; you are crafting the heart and soul of your home and your lives together. .
We’d love to hear from you! What are your magic mom words for creating connection, clarity, curiosity, and commitment for yourself and your family?
See Also: Developing Leadership Skills in Children: 11 Ways to Grow Grow Your Kids
Children’s Books on Leadership
About Kiersten Lortz
Kiersten Lortz is an accomplished coach, speaker, author, and musician. She is a purpose and productivity coach for working mothers of tweens through adults through her company, Possibilities Coaching and Consulting LLC, and the founder of Possibilities Conference, an annual event inspiring women to live boldly and authentically. Her Time To Thrive coaching program gives women a clear path to overcome the overwhelm and increase mental bandwidth. Kiersten holds a degree in Violin Performance and worked for 25 years as a professional performer and teacher. She enjoys cooking, baking, travel, reading, and studying Japanese. She and her husband, Tim, are the parents of four crazy kids and live in Maryland.
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