From Ticked Off to Tactical: What to Say Next When You’re Frustrated at Work

When You Can’t Believe You’re Having This Conversation Again…

When you’re frustrated at work, it’s rarely about a single moment—it’s about patterns.

You’ve set clear expectations. You’ve checked for understanding. Your team should now know what good looks like.

But here you are—again.

The data’s a mess.
The prep is lazy.
They can’t answer an obvious question.
They miss the moment, dodge the issue, or show up completely off-tone.

You’re frustrated—and you should be.
What you say next will either reinforce your culture or unravel it.

You Might Be Tempted to Do One of These When You’re Frustrated at Work

In that flashpoint, two temptations show up fast:

• You might reach for the Diaper Genie response—wrap the message in so much softness and spin that the real issue gets buried. Because after all, they SHOULD KNOW. Maybe if you just give them a nudge. It smells better in the moment, but the mess remains. Nothing changes.

• You might blow—shame, blame, sarcasm, or intimidation. A sharp comment, an eye roll, a public takedown. These are the courage-crushing behaviors we break down in Chapter 4 of Courageous Cultures. They shut people down and drive your best talent away.

Or… you make the shift. You deliver a Third Response—clear, direct, emotionally steady. You name the issue and push the conversation forward—without disguising the truth or damaging the relationship.

What is the Third Response?

It’s not a script. It’s a decision.

The Third Response is what you say when you’re frustrated but still want to respond in a human-centered, “land in the and” way.
It’s a grounded, specific, and action-oriented response.

Before You Speak: Ask Yourself These Five Questions

These five questions take less than 30 seconds. But when you feel frustrated at work, these questions will reset your entire response:

What’s my intent here?

Am I trying to create clear accountability? Raise the bar? Fix a recurring issue for good? What do I want to change because of this conversation?

What specifically needs to change?

Is it effort? Follow-through? Awareness? Standards?

How might they see this?

Are they overwhelmed? Stuck? Avoiding something? Genuinely unaware? Lacking a fundamental skill?

What’s the one message I need them to hear?

Strip it down. No disclaimers. Just one clean point.

What do I expect them to do next—and by when?

You don’t want to have this conversation again. But if there’s no commitment or follow-through, you’re just venting. Schedule the finish with a clear timeline where they will show you their follow-through.

Why This Works When You’re Justifiably Frustrated at Work

The Third Response gets you out of the blur-or-blow trap.

• You protect your standards and culture without putting the other person on the defensive.

• You stay steady without softening the issue.

• You reinforce what matters without crushing morale.

• And most importantly, you model what healthy accountability looks like under pressure.

This is how courageous cultures get built—one response at a time.

When you’re frustrated at work, the worst thing you can do is speak in a way that makes things worse.

Don’t disguise the truth.
Don’t detonate.

Pause.
Get clear.
Say what needs to be said—set the tone for what happens next. Then, follow through and watch your culture change.