Advocate for yourself from the decision-maker’s point of view
When I’m keynoting conferences, there’s always a long line at the book-signing table or cocktail reception with people eager for career advice. One of the most common questions I receive is, “How do I advocate for myself and ask for what I need? A raise? A promotion? A bigger project?”
And I always ask, “Well, what have you tried so far?”
Here’s where things often take a wrong turn. Inevitably, they’ve got it backward.
They’re advocating from their point of view.
I hear things like, “I’ve worked so hard,” or “I’ve been here for years,” or “I need that raise—I’ve got bills, and my significant other said I should’ve gotten this by now.”
And while all of that might be true (and important to you), it’s not what decision-makers are thinking about when figuring out whether to give you that promotion, raise, or opportunity.
I had just been promoted to my very first executive role at Verizon. My new boss was from the other side of the merger.
I hadn’t even started the new role when the union went on strike. Instead of starting my exciting new dream job, I would sub in for the union as a directory assistance operator for God knows how long (could be weeks, months, or even years). Twelve hours a day (plus a 2-hour commute), 7 days a week.
But that’s not the tricky part.
The tricky part was that I had just separated from my husband and we had a wonderful little boy who was confused and scared about now “living in two houses.” But, there was no way he could live in my house during this time because I was answering telephones night and day.
I felt guilty, sad, exhausted, and wondering if this whole mess was worth it. Maybe I should just quit….the only thing that kept me going was knowing that my dream job was on the other side of this strike if I could stick it out.
One Tuesday night, my strike-duty supervisor, tapped me on the shoulder and told me I had an emergency call, and to take it in her office. Just what every guilty, sad, exhausted mom wants to hear.
It was my new boss. “Karin, this is Gail (your new boss).” We had never met.
“I’m calling to tell you that due to the expenses of the strike we’ve decided to eliminate a few positions. I can only have three executives on my team and we announced four. So since this is a promotion for you, and everyone else is already a director, we’re moving you back to your old position. Don’t worry. I’m sure you will be promoted at another time.”
My heart sank.
And, I’m not sure how I knew to do this, but I instinctively advocated for myself from the decision-maker’s point of view.
First I connected with empathy.
“Gail, Thank you for calling me personally. I’m looking forward to working with you. I’ve heard great things about your leadership. I understand how complicated this is, and how difficult it must be to make this call.”
And then I spoke her language.
“I know this is a new role for you too and you’ve got a heavy lift ahead of you with all this merger integration work. You’re going to need a rock star team. I’m curious, are the seasoned directors all box 9 succession planning candidates (that’s HR speak for are they all “rock stars”?
She said, “Well, no…. not exactly, but they are very experienced.”
“What competencies are going to be vital on this team?” (More decision-maker language… HR folks love to talk competencies 😉
She listed the most important competencies: strategic vision and thinking; working as a trusted strategic partner with the executive team; executing with urgency.
“I’ve got those. All I ask before you make this decision is you call these three very senior executives (gave her three names) and ask them about how I’ve demonstrated these competencies in my HR work supporting their teams, and whether they think I’m the right choice over one of your more seasoned candidates.”
“Okay, I’ll do that.”
(Then I hung up the phone and burst into tears– but Gail didn’t see that part).
Gail did call those executives. I got the job.
And Gail become a lifelong mentor and career advocate. For more on Gail see: When Things Get Crazy Look for Ways to Empower Your Team
How to Advocate for Yourself From the Decision Maker’s Point of View
No one had ever given me this career advice. And quite frankly, I was desperate. I wanted to scream, “Do you know what this company is doing to my life right now?” But that didn’t feel very executive.
Let’s break this down so you can advocate for yourself too.
1. Connect with Empathy and Consider Their World
When you ask for a promotion or raise, position your request in terms of how it benefits your boss, your team, and the company. The person making the decision isn’t just thinking about you—they’re thinking about how your request impacts the bigger picture.
Instead of “I’ve worked hard for three years,” or “Do you understand the sacrifices I’ve made for this company, reframe it like this:
“In my three years here, I’ve improved efficiency by 20% on my team, which has led to a significant cost savings of $X. I’m excited about taking that same approach to a broader scope of work, which will continue to improve our bottom line.”
See the difference? You’re not just listing why you deserve the promotion, but how promoting you helps them reach their goals.
2. Speak Their Language
In this case, I understood how these decisions were made. I’d built over a hundred competency models and helped leaders use those to select candidates (and eliminate positions). I wanted her to know I
got her world.
If you’re advocating for a raise, don’t just talk about how much you need it. Decision-makers aren’t moved by your rent, student loans, or the vacation you’re planning. They want to know why you’re worth it.
Think about how your role impacts what your decision-maker cares about—whether that’s profit, customer retention, innovation, or team performance. Then, use that language.
“Over the last year, I’ve helped retain 95% of our clients, which translates to $X in repeat business. Given these results, I believe my contribution aligns with a higher level of compensation.”
Now, you’re speaking their language. You’re connecting the dots between your work and their priorities.
3. Consider your Timing
In my case, I had one shot at my pitch.
But sometimes you get to choose your timing.
If you ask for a raise or promotion in the middle of a crises, you will lose credibility. “How can they be concerned about their career, when the S#$*#@ is hitting the fan in so many ways?
Advocating for yourself also means knowing when to push and when to wait.
4. Own the Outcome
Sometimes you’ll do everything right and still get a “no.”
But that doesn’t mean it’s over. This is where you have a chance to shine even brighter. Respond with grace and ask for feedback. What would make you an even stronger candidate next time? What’s the timeline for future opportunities? Stay curious and proactive. You’re showing you’re serious, resilient, and forward-thinking.
And here’s the kicker: Sometimes just handling the “no” with confidence and professionalism puts you top of mind for the next opportunity.
See Also: How to Not Screw Up Your Brand When You’ve Been Screwed Over
And How to Improve Your Professional Brand at Work
Advocating for yourself is essential. But the trick isn’t just making a list of why you deserve it. Flip the script. Think about the decision-maker’s priorities, speak their language, and tie your success to theirs.
When you make it easy for them to say yes, you’re closer to the raise, promotion, or opportunity you’ve been working toward.
So, next time you’re ready to ask for what you need, follow this career advice. Don’t just think about what you want—think about what they want.
Your turn.
What’s your best career advice when someone needs to ask for what they need? How do you advocate for yourself from the decision maker’s point of view?
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