Is Your High-Performer Toxic? How to Lead Without Losing Your Team
The toxic high-performer. They deliver results. They’re smart, driven, and talented. Your boss loves them. There’s just one problem—they’re making everyone miserable.
They shut down ideas. Steamroll meetings. Roll their eyes when their colleagues speak. They act like the smartest person in the room—and let’s be honest, maybe sometimes they are. But that doesn’t mean they have the right to crush team morale, alienate their coworkers, or create a toxic culture.
You’ve got choices. Head through door #1 (ignore the issue and hope they move on). Or door #2, address the issue for long-term gain (for them, you, and everyone caught in the cross-fire).
Too many managers take Door #1—grit their teeth, vent to their spouse, and pray someone else deals with it later. The excuses sound familiar:
- “She’s tough on people, but she delivers. We need that right now.”
- “He’s got potential—I don’t want to burn a bridge.”
- “She’s difficult, but maybe she’ll raise the bar.”
- “He knows more than anyone else here. We can’t afford to lose him.”
But what is this toxic high-performer costing you? Burned-out teammates? Innovation silenced? Good people leave?
It’s time to choose Door #2—the courageous conversation that will help them reach their full potential without destroying your culture.
Six Powerful Phrases to Lead Your Toxic High-Performer
1. Start With the Truth: “Your results are strong, but I’m concerned.”
Your high-performer won’t hear you if they think you’re dismissing their value. Start by acknowledging their success, then be direct.
“You’re smart, and your results are on fire. And, I’m deeply concerned that the way you’re showing up is going to derail your career. Would you be open to some feedback?”
High-performers want to succeed—frame this conversation as protecting their long-term success, not punishing them. Be sure they know your “couth code.”
2. Show the Data: “Here’s what I’m hearing.”
Vague feedback won’t land. Use specific examples and real data to help them see their blind spots. A 360-degree feedback assessment can be a wake-up call.
“I’ve noticed that when your peers share ideas, you often redirect the conversation to your own. Last meeting, when Sarah proposed a solution, you moved right past it without acknowledgment.”
Many high-performers don’t realize how they come across. Their focus on results can cause tunnel vision. Your job is to help them widen their perspective.
Try this: Ask them to gather feedback themselves. As Julie Winkle Giulioni suggests, have them talk to their team and bring back a “plateful of feedback” for discussion.
3. Offer Support: “I can help.”
Your toxic high-performer may not realize how they’re coming across. Ask for permission to point it out next time—or even create a private signal to help them adjust in the moment.
“I know you want to be a great team player. Would you be open to me flagging it if I see something in the moment?”
If their intentions are good, this approach builds trust. They will see you as a coach, not a critic.
4. Set a Growth Goal: “Let’s focus on building others up.”
High-performers thrive on challenges. So give them one—but make it about building the team, not just their own success.
“For the next month, I’d like you to focus on actively supporting at least one teammate in every meeting—build on their ideas, give credit, and advocate for their contributions.”
Make it real: Build this into their development plan. Even if they don’t want to be a people leader, collaboration and influence are key leadership skills.
5. Shift the Narrative: “Let’s refine your leadership brand.”
If they’re coming across as arrogant, they may not realize the long-term consequences—missed promotions, lost opportunities, and a damaged reputation.
Help them rebrand. Share Harvard research showing that leaders who reveal their failures are seen as more competent and trustworthy.
“You’ve got great insights, but when you always position yourself as the smartest in the room, it makes it harder for others to engage with you. Let’s work on shifting that.”
Try this: Ask them to share one mistake or failure in an upcoming team meeting. It humanizes them and builds credibility.
See Also:
6. Know When to Make the Tough Call: “I have to think about the whole team.”
If they refuse to grow, ask yourself: Are you losing A-players because of this person? If the team’s performance, morale, or retention is suffering, it’s time to reevaluate whether this person truly belongs.
“I need a team that collaborates and brings out the best in each other. If that’s not something you’re willing to work on, we need to have a different conversation.”
Reality check: Is your toxic high-performer worth more than the people they’re driving away?
The Bottom Line
Your job as a leader isn’t just to get results—it’s to build a culture where everyone can thrive.
You don’t have to choose between high performance and strong teamwork. The best teams have both.
The question is: Will you take Door #2?
Bonus: What if You’ve Got TWO High-Performers Competing?
What To Do When a HIgh-Performer Quits
7 Things Your High-Performing Employees Want to Hear You Say
Note: Although this article was originally written in 2020, it’s been substantially updated as of 3/2025.
“Pat, I want to give you the opportunity to refine your people skills and demonstrate leadership. Sam needs a coach—someone who can assign learning tasks, provide feedback on process and results, and recommend additional training.”
“But Sam is a moron!”
“No, Sam is a novice. Masters teach novices. Are you a master?”
Dave,
PERFECT! Love that approach.
Wow! Great comment by Dave Gordon. Exactly what I needed to hear today.
Awesome. I’m so glad it was helpful. Thanks, Dave!
As leaders are asked to do more with less, they often feel held hostage by those who have institutional knowledge or skills that are scarce on the team. I get it, but it should never be a reason to put up with arrogance or ignore toxic behavior.
Well said Sara!