“They’re not as serious about performance as I am.”
“I’ve got a job to do, I don’t have time to make friends.”
“I don’t care if they like me, this is business.”
“My boss thinks I’m doing a great job, that’s what counts.”
“Just look at the scoreboard.”
Plus, snarky is childish. One more reason to assume it’s not “his problem.”
Snarky peers are a leading indicator of short-sighted leadership.
5 Behaviors that Tick Off Your Peers
Peers impact your performance more than your boss. Your boss is one person. Your peers are an army of potential support, with diverse skills and talent. They’ve got resources and best practices that can save vital time. They’re facing similar challenges. Some of them are working together with beautiful synergy.
Good intentions sabotage relationships. The highest performers I know unknowingly fall into these traps. I learned this list the hard way.
If you’re in a vacuum, you’re the one at a disadvantage. I’ll start with 5, please add to the list.
1. Never Ask For Help
You’re not cocky, just busy. You know they’re busy too. But your lack of reaching out is easily viewed as arrogance. You’re sending signs you’re “too busy”, so your peers don’t bother. Ask for advice now and then. Be sure to really listen to the response. When you do get help, publicly express your gratitude. If you doubt they have much to offer, I can’t help you. Prepare for an extra dose of snarky.
2. Challenge them in front of the boss
Your peer feels belittled and bruised as he climbs from under the bus you didn’t even know you were driving. You didn’t mean to be a jerk. It’s just you weren’t paying attention until now. The first time you expressed your concerns was in front of the boss (or worse yet, the boss and others). The boss agrees and once again praises your quick thinking. Peer feedback is best given off-line. Give your input early, and then you can nod in full support of the enhanced plan.
3. Withhold Best Practices
You’re trying some wild and crazy ideas, and you don’t want to share before you know they’ll work. Or you got busy and forgot to share. I know you’d never purposely withhold your great ideas, but your peers may not have the same interpretation. Let folks know what you’re up to. If it’s half-baked, describe the batter and promise updates. Peers trust peers who share what they’re doing.
4. Take the Credit
When the praise is coming your way, it’s easy to get caught up in the emotion. At your level you did not do this alone. Pause, consider, and deflect the praise. Your peers will appreciate the gesture, and all will respect your confident, humility.
5. React Poorly to Feedback
The surest way to lose friends and alienate people is to reject their feedback. If you stop hearing, they’ll stop talking (well, at least to your face). Be gracious and open to what they have to say. Pause to consider. If it’s stupid, shake it off. But always take the high-road and thank them for their input.
Your turn. What makes for better peer relationships?