Get curious about what “be a better team player” feedback means.
Your boss tells you you need to be a better team player. And you think, “Wait, what? Me? Where is this coming from? I AM a team player. Do you know how much I care about this team and the work we do? Do you SEE how hard I work?”
But that’s your inside voice.
You don’t say THAT because you also care about your career and want your boss to respect you.
So what do you do next? How do you get underneath this vague (and frustrating feedback) and decide what to do next?
5 Ways to Gain More Insight on How to Be (or Be Perceived) as a Better Team Player
“You are not a team player” is fuzzy feedback. It’s right up there with “you need to be a better critical thinker,” or, “be more strategic.” It’s hard to know exactly what that feedback means. Your best bet is to get curious and specific.
1. Ask for the CLARITY you need
The key here is to show up genuinely curious (and not defensive). If your words, tone of voice, or facial expression scream “I’m not interested in your F$*@#&% fuzzy feedback, you’re not helping your “I’m a team player” case.
Try this instead:
“Hey, thank you so much for caring about me and my career and wanting me to be successful. I want to be a team player. What do you think I could do so people see me as collaborative?
2. Look for PATTERNS
Have you received this kind of feedback before? Because if there is a pattern, you want to pay attention to it.
Consider the unintended consequences of your well-meaning actions. Is your passionate nature being interpreted as aggression? Is your concern about getting it right, or avoiding problems, coming across as negative?
NOTE: If you think this is an issue, check out David’s Leadership Without Losing Your Soul Podcast episode: How to Be a Less Negative Leader.
3. Identify the HABITS that will enhance collaboration and change perceptions.
Based on your feedback and self-reflection, identify one or two specific habits that will help you to be a better team player.
For example, suppose you learn you need to slow down and build relationships. In that case, you might choose a connection habit like reflecting the emotion you’re hearing, or taking time to learn about your coworkers’ people, pets, and projects.
Or, if you get feedback that you don’t appear receptive to new ideas or alternative ways of doing things, here’s a list of curiosity habits you might choose to work on.
One way we do this with our clients is to use our SynergyStack™ Team Development system, based on four dimensions of collaboration: connection, clarity, curiosity, and commitment.
4. Create a Mini-Personal Experiment
Of course, identifying the habits is the “easy” part. Now it’s time to translate that habit into tangible action. One way to do this is to choose a mini-personal experiment to engrain the habit. A mini-personal experiment is a new behavior or action that you will try for two weeks.
A mini-personal experiment should meet the following criteria:
- It’s easy to do every day
- It will help engrain a habit you desire
- And, it’s slightly uncomfortable– encouraging you to try something new.
5. Invite Ongoing Feedback
In our recent interview with world-renowned coach, Marshall Goldsmith he said, “Changing behavior is easy, changing perceptions of others is hard.” One of the best ways to do that is to let people know what you are working on. That way, when they see a change in behavior or a new habit, they are more likely to notice it.
The key is to get underneath the fuzzy feedback, so you can decide what you want to do next by focusing on tangible habits.
See Also:
Expert Strategies for Handling Vague Feedback From Your Boss (Podcast)
Why Your Great Boss Might Be Hurting Your Career
0 Comments