If it feels like you never received your company-issued secret decoder ring, youโre likely dealing with unclear expectations.
Often, people have unspoken values or expectations, and there isnโt one โrightโ way to do things. Maybe your manager never clarified an important process. Or the team hasnโt agreed on norms, so you’ve found yourself in a conflict cocktail of vague and unclear expectations and strong points of view.
Hereโs an example that many remote and hybrid teams experience: should you have your cameras on during a meeting?
Your coworker, Rachel, may feel like itโs completely unnecessary. It drains her energy. Most of the time, no one asks her opinion anyway, and her surroundings arenโt chic, so why turn on the camera? For her, a camera-off policy is as comfortable as wearing pajamas during a work call – no one knows, but it feels just right.
For Zach, however, the lack of face time is disrespectful and frustrating as he presents his project and seeks feedback. “Cameras should always be on,” he insists, “unless youโve got to step away or sneeze or something.” He views a camera-on policy like a firm handshake – a sign of respect and engagement.
โNo,โ interjects your colleague, Pat, โthatโs wasteful and unnecessary. We only need to be on camera for clients or for a real discussion.โ Pat prefers a pragmatic approach, seeing camera use as a tool, not a rule, like using an umbrella only when it rains.
This is a classic case of unclear expectations creating ‘camera drama,’ where a lack of established norms creates conflict. None of these people is โrightโ as there is no objectively โright or wrongโ answer for cameras. It’s more about preference than policy, like choosing between coffee or tea for your morning boost.
Finding Clarity When Rules Are Fuzzy
In every organization, there will be activity that isnโt covered by a corporate policy. As norms shift, technology changes, and social standards develop, you and your team can resolve these ambiguous norms and unclear expectations with a conversation. If thereโs no company policy, it can either become a conflictโor an opportunity to use some Powerful Phrases and build a team agreement, much like deciding on the office’s unofficial dress code.
This is one of those workplace conflicts that takes some investigation and intentional conversation to understand whatโs happening. Itโs so easy to get caught up in an argument without realizing that itโs really a lack of clarity, like arguing over who finished the milk without checking the fridge first. As you see a conflict building, start with Powerful Phrases that โput the fish on the table,โ and help people understand whatโs happening.
Note: This article contains 12 vital “clarity habits” for better collaboration.
Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Unclear Norms and Expectations
โIt is very simple, but hard to do. Set expectations and follow through.โ
-Male, 65, Israel, The World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey
โIt seems that we see this differentlyโฆโ
Summarize the situation and call attention to the fact that people have different perspectives. This might feel like stating the obvious, but it helps everyone rise above their position to see the situation more objectively, like taking a step back to see the whole elephant, not just its trunk.
โHereโs the challenge we faceโฆโ
Now you describe the consequences if the lack of clarity continues. For example: โThereโs no rule about this, so itโs up to us to figure out. The challenge we face if we donโt agree on how we use cameras is that weโll all feel resentful, disrespected, and exhausted.โ
โI know thatโs not what we wantโฆ Iโm confident we canโฆโ
As you describe the negative consequences, you can then call everyone to their best intentions with this Powerful Phrase. It assumes good intent. For example:
โI know we donโt want to exhaust each other. And I know we all want to feel supported, seen, respected, and valued as we do our work. Iโm confident we can come up with an agreement that will work for all of us.โ
โLetโs decide how to decide.โ
At this point in your conversation, the team might realize that itโs someoneโs job to make a call. If so, invite them to the discussion or make an appointment to talk with them. Use the same Powerful Phrases from Chapter 12โNavigating Competing Goals to have a conversation with the decision-maker and get clarity.
But, when thereโs no assigned decision-maker, itโs helpful to agree first on how the group will decide. Usually, this is going to be a vote or consensus. In a vote, the majority rules. In consensus, everyone can live with a choice, even if it wasnโt their first option. For example:
โOkay, this oneโs our call. Is everyone comfortable with a vote? Or do we want to go for consensus?โ
(And yes, thatโs an example of a quick consensus decision about whether to use a vote or consensus. So meta, right?)
In conclusion, navigating the murky waters of workplace norms and unclear expectations can be like trying to assemble furniture without instructions โ frustrating, but not impossible. By using Powerful Phrases, teams can not only build bridges over these gaps of misunderstanding but also strengthen their collaborative spirit. Remember, the goal isn’t to win the argument but to find a solution that works for everyone, like choosing a movie everyone can enjoy on movie night. So next time you’re in a camera-on or camera-off debate, remember, it’s not just about seeing faces; it’s about seeing eye to eye.
Your turn. What’s one powerful phrase you like to use to clarify unclear expectations?
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