Episode 319: Are you the leader everyone turns to for help—yet secretly running on empty? What feels like generosity today can quietly drain your energy and keep your team from growing tomorrow. It’s time for a mindset shift.
If you’ve ever felt torn between being the “go-to helper” and protecting your own energy, this episode is for you. Over-helping might feel like the right thing in the moment, but it can quietly drain your well-being and hold your team back from growing. By exploring the hidden traps of “Super Helper Syndrome,” you’ll learn how to set boundaries without losing your empathy—and discover how to lead with both heart and strategy.
In this conversation with psychologist and leadership coach Jess Baker, you’ll discover:
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How to spot the hidden costs of compulsive helping and prevent exhaustion, resentment, and self-criticism.
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Practical ways to set healthy boundaries that actually empower your team instead of disempowering them.
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Mindset tools you can use to quiet the inner critic and lead with empathy while protecting your own well-being.
Hit play now and learn how to make one powerful shift that frees you from over-helping and helps your team thrive.
Mindset Shift Moments: Turning Over-Helping into Empowered Leadership
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00:00 — Are you helping… too much?
David frames the episode around a leadership mindset shift. Your urge to help might be quietly holding you—and your team—back. David introduces guest Jess Baker and the “Super Helper Syndrome.” -
02:00 — Defining Super Helper Syndrome.
Jess explains the pattern of compulsive helping (to your own detriment), with telltale outcomes like exhaustion, resentment, and being taken for granted. Plus, why it isn’t a medical diagnosis but a cluster of behaviors. -
05:23 — How over-helping disempowers teams.
David shares how jumping in with answers stunts development, resilience, and independence. Leaders feel helpful, but the team stops growing. -
07:40 — Boundary-setting in the real world.
A practical script: time-box your availability (“You’ve got me for 45 minutes—how can I be most helpful?”) and clarify what you won’t be doing right now. -
08:26 — Model the boundaries you want.
Jess urges leaders to role-model norms (e.g., no weekend emails) and to evolve from “invisible supporter” to a strategic, empathic leader who still keeps empathy intact.
Practical Takeaways You Can Apply Today
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12:14 — Your brain protects you, it doesn’t praise you.
A pivotal mindset shift: that harsh inner voice isn’t built to make you feel good; it’s built to keep you “safe.” Seeing this clearly opens the door to new responses. -
17:15 — The decentering technique.
A simple CBT tool to tame “should” thoughts: prepend, “I’m having the thought that…” to create distance, reduce shame, and choose a better next action. -
29:12 — The four irrational beliefs.
Jess outlines the hidden drivers: the Good Person belief, Help Everyone belief, “They couldn’t survive without me,” and the No Needs belief—how they fuel over-giving. -
33:48 — Deconstructing harmful beliefs.
Step through acknowledgment, exposing the belief as irrational, naming its harm, and letting it go—a practical mindset shift playbook you can revisit. -
37:37 — Healthier replacement beliefs.
Swap in empowering affirmations (e.g., “My self-worth isn’t dependent on helping others”) to cement the mindset shift and set “healthy helping” boundaries.
About Jess Baker
Jess is a Chartered Psychologist and an Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society (CPsychol AFBSsS). She began her career in public healthcare and has been practising as a Business Psychologist and leadership coach for twenty years. Her award-winning book, The Super-Helper Syndrome, has been translated into Chinese, Japanese, Turkish and will shortly come out in Polish.
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