Think of the best recognition you’ve ever received.
Who said what, and why was it meaningful?
Twice this year someone has told me “I am proud of you.” Both times, I was surprised to find myself really choked up. My gratitude reaction was so strong that I got to thinking about why. I wanted to understand what it was about THIS recognition that made an impact, so I could do a better job of giving THAT kind of recognition to others.
Who: In both circumstances, I had a deep respect for the person who said it.
What: What I had accomplished was important to me, and it felt wonderful that others were noticing.
The Words: The words were powerful.
But What If Appreciation Doesn’t Come Naturally?
Recognition is one of those leadership skills that comes more naturally to some than to others. I had one senior leader who understood how important recognition is to building a great team culture. And, who confided, “Karin, I think I’m missing that gene!”
If you (or a member of your team) are missing that gene too, here are some tips for making recognition easier.
The Right Words at the Right Time
There is something about being recognized at just the right time, by just the right person, with just the right words. When done well, those words can stay with us forever.
And so, inspired by these moments, I reached out to my online communities of leadership thinkers, coaches, and writers and asked:
“What words make the biggest impact when providing recognition?”
I got lots of inspired and heart-felt responses from many people across multiple groups. There is real power in the online leadership thinking community. Several leaders weighed in that the most important part is the specific examples, acknowledging the details of the contribution. Others shared the value of a handwritten note that is “simple, timely, and personal.” Several rightfully warned that people are motivated by different things, and trying to project our preferences on others is a mistake.
The most dialogue came from the LinkedIn Organizational Development and Training Forum.
Sara Ting raised the consideration of culture and how that impacts how we want to be recognized, and how we approach recognizing others.
Marian Thier discussed the psychological impact of our words: for example, “I’m proud of you” could connote a parental approval relationship, while “well done” sounds more masculine and non-specific, “like an athletic coach.”
Dayrl Cowie provided possibilities for meaningful words based on personality types:
Inspiring Personalities (e.g. sales people): “That was awesome”, “I really owe you one” (fun, give & take type words)
Commanding Personalities (e.g. directors): “Nice job” “That’s why you’re the man” (ego, self-esteem)
Supporting Personalities: “Wow everyone loved that” “I really like what you did for everyone” (Everybody loves you)
Analyzing Personalities: “That was brilliant” “How did you do that?” “Way to stand up for what you believe in” (How’d you do that? or, congratulations on moral grounds)”
All fantastic conversation and interesting points.
The majority weighed in with the words and phrases that have meant the most to them, or that they tend to rely on.
Here are a few of my favorite recognition power phrases.
Recognition Power Phrases
- I trust you
- Great idea! Let’s go with it.
- You have made a significant contribution to ___.
- You really helped me out
- You’re a difference-maker
- You are a gem
- This is one of the best__I’ve seen
- We could learn a lot from __ about this
- We wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for ___
- ___ has set a new standard of excellence for us all to strive toward
- Glad to have you as part of OUR team
- You are doing exactly what you were meant to do in this life
Words That Stand Alone
What would you add? What recognition power words make the biggest impact for you?
The way you deliver the message to the person being praised is subjective based on the recipients behavioral style.
Various ways to praise:
– Some love the limelight and want the praise to be very public.
– Others prefer a low level interaction behind closed doors.
– A gift is preferred vs. words.
– Provide them with extra time with their family. “Go home early.”
– Give them a bigger project to work on. Words of praise don’t move them as much as greater responsibility.
Those are a few.
Bottom line. Understand each person’s behavioral style and manage according to how they want to be treated. A behavioral assessment can help.
Thanks, Steve, fore adding in some of these non-verbal ways to the discussion. So true. We actually have a tool we offer for team leaders to use when getting to know a new team member that has a series of questions.. and it includes “how I like to be recognized.” That can be useful too. However, it can backfire if the team leader ignores it.
Many people will shy away from this question or says what’s politically correct. A behavioral assessment provides a neutral report of their styles. Hope this helps.
There are many tools people ignore. They think they can figure it out for themselves. Ego.
The one you started with “I’m proud of you” should be in that final list as well. It’s the one I still see can light up my pre-teens eyes (even when he doesn’t want me to know it). I probably don’t use it enough.
Thanks for the post.
Awesome. Thanks for sharing. I used it today… I meant it in a big way. And yes, I find when you mean it, they know it.
I really loved your lists above. I am going to commit to using them more often!
Thanks so much, Pat! Really appreciate you reading and your comment.
I’m here for powerful words which when triggered take me in a new direction.
I am so glad you are here.
Appreciation and acknowledgement is always welcomed by individuuals. We are all hungry for the same. If you appreciate someone, the same will come back to you in some form or the other. I loved reading all the comments and remarks made by people from all over the globe. Thank you sharing a wonderful yet practical piece of advice.
I am new to your site. I absolutely love this site as I have just implemented a Leadership Development Program at our facility and was looking for positive words to give our team leaders. I have embarked upon a wealth of information! This will also help me in my own professional business as well. I am looking forward to reading and learning more!
I think this adds a lot of value to people’s daily work lives, especially now when people are working from home. We have to be more intentional about recognition when a team is dispersed and not necessarily in our orbit for praise, recognition, or gratitude that comes more easily in-person. There are simply more informal opportunities. Maybe setting aside 10 minutes each day to recognize one or two people each day can go a long way to keeping people motivated and feeling validated.
“I trust you” – There is no bigger recognition (for me) than getting somebody’s trust as a reward for your work. That also motivates you to keep going because you don’t want to lose that trust. That’s definitely a powerful one.
That is one of my favorites too!