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5 Ways to Rebuild Confidence

getting the team past the last time

It didn’t go well for Jennifer the last the time, and now her confidence was shaken. She was doing everything she could to avoid the situation, which only increased her anxiety and frustrated the rest of us. We had to rebuild her confidence and encourage her to try again. When the last time goes south, it can be hard to pick up the pieces.

Perhaps you’ve heard similar concerns.

“The last time I gave someone feedback they cried.”

“The last time I was honest with my boss, I got a negative review.”

“The last time I presented to senior management, I got so nervous I forgot what I was going to say.”

“The last time I stayed up late working on a report, they didn’t even look at it.”

“The last time I interviewed, it turned out the job had already been promised to someone else.”

The memory of last time can destroy this time before you even start.

5 Ways To Get Your Team Past a Bad “Last Time”

1. Acknowledge What’s Real

If last time really was a complete disaster, acknowledge the issue. Trying to say something “just wasn’t that bad” — if it was–will only make you lose credibility. If they’re blowing it out of proportion, offer evidence to help them see the past from a different perspective.

2. Break It Down

Ask questions to help them understand the root cause of what went wrong the last time. Chances are not everything went wrong. It’s much easier to improve when you know what you’re fixing.

3. Outline What’s Different About the Scene

They may think they’ve seen this movie before, but the truth is, last time was different in many ways. Take the time to explore how today is different from yesterday, or this guy’s different from that guy.

4. Celebrate the Learning

Help them consider all they’ve learned from the last time.

5. Help them Prepare an Approach

The best way to create a winning this time, is to fully prepare. Help them create a strong strategy and approach.

Your turn. How do you help your team regain confidence for a better “next time?”
Filed Under:   Career & Learning, Communication, Energy & Engagement, Results & Execution
 
 
Karin Hurt
Karin Hurt
Karin Hurt helps leaders around the world achieve breakthrough results, without losing their soul. A former Verizon Wireless executive, she has over two decades of experience in sales, customer service, and HR. She was recently named on Inc's list of 100 Great Leadership Speakers, AMA's 50 Leaders to Watch in 2015, & Top Thought Leader in Trust by Trust Across America. She’s the author of 2 books: Winning Well: A Manager's Guide to Getting Results-Without Losing Your Soul and Overcoming an Imperfect Boss.
 

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What People Are Saying

Paul LaRue   |   14 November 2014   |   Reply

This is a great perspective on confidence Karin! It the “horns” effect from those “last time” failings that will drag us down. You’ve given solid thoughts for the leader as well as the individual here. Nicely laid out.

Confidence seems to be a running theme this week – see my blog from Wednesday:

http://upwardsleader.com/2014/11/11/how-to-build-confidence-as-a-leader/

http://pgj.cc/l3TVPo

Have a great weekend Karin!

Karin Hurt   |   14 November 2014   |   Reply

Paul, This is a GREAT post. I love it when people expand the conversation with what they are thinking, writing and reading. I’m always wanting to learn as much as I can on the topic.

One of my favorite keynotes is about confident humility, and I’m working on a book on the same topic. I’ve also partnered up with a state trooper/kickboxing master on a version of my confident humility keynote which integrates body/mind/spirit and gets people up and kicking. This subject is so important and there are many angles to explore.

Bruce Harpham   |   14 November 2014   |   Reply

I like the suggestion to prepare a new approach. There may also be an issue of timing there – allowing some time to pass before posing a solution.

Karin Hurt   |   14 November 2014   |   Reply

Bruce, Ahh, yes, time is the great healer. Thank you!

David Tumbarello   |   14 November 2014   |   Reply

Great wisdom, Karin. I think confidence is the result of a good diet. I mean, our successes, our challenges, our self-talk, our motivation, our company, and so many more “diet” like factors contribute to our confidence. And if I don’t like the elements in my “diet,” then I have the ability to change. Kinda like the adage “Don’t let anyone take away your happiness” — I believe that we shouldn’t let anyone take away our confidence. Take responsibility instead.

Karin Hurt   |   14 November 2014   |   Reply

David, beautiful analogy. Love it!

LaRae Quy   |   14 November 2014   |   Reply

Wonderful and important topic, Karin.

Lack of confidence can strike at any time, no matter our position in the corporate hierarchy or experience level.

As counterintuitive as this may sound, one of the best ways to build confidence is to intentionally move out of our comfort zone—anticipating failure! It is our attitude toward failure that chips away at our self-confidence. But once we overcome an obstacle and gain the confidence that we have the mental strength to keep moving forward, it changes our entire perspective!

Karin Hurt   |   15 November 2014   |   Reply

Larae, I so agree. The more you do thinks you think you cannot, the stronger you become. Excellent. Thanks as always.

Alli Polin   |   16 November 2014   |   Reply

So been there and my teams too. It’s easy to back off or play small based on last time… I’ve also coached team members to playfully adopt a new perspective. If this perspective they’re stuck in is called, “last time” what would “the perfect time” or “the most awesome time” or simply “next time” be like if they fully stepped into that new perspective. They need to ask themselves, not only what they would do from this new way of looking at the situation but also what’s present there for them but also what would shift with their confidence too.

Such a relatable piece, Karin with great advice.

~Alli