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5 Reasons You’re Avoiding Your “I Don’t Wanna” List (and what to do about it) post image

David Dye and I do truly strive to lead by example. So I wasn’t shocked the other day when my Winning Well co-author leveraged a practice straight out of chapter 20, thanking me for something I’d done to promote our Winning Well mission.

And then, hearkening back to chapter 7 (accountability), I laughed and said, “If I were really a good co-author I would have done ________ .” (it really doesn’t matter what this is, as I will here pull a Scarlett Ohara, and be sure to worry about that tomorrow).

David didn’t miss a beat, and said, “Oh I get it. It’s on your ‘I don’t wanna list.'”

Deep pause. It was. The next vital question was, ‘Why? Why was it there? What was the resistance? Why did I agree to do something I was avoiding?

5 Reasons You’re Avoiding Your “I Don’t Wanna” List (and what to do about it).

“The more important a call to action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel about answering it. But to yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be.” – Steven Pressfield

In my experience there are five big  reasons something ends up on our “I Don’t Wanna List.” I’d love to hear what you would add.

  1. It’s a Damn Stupid Idea:  You hate the idea and everything around it. You’re against it at a core values level. The only thing dumber than putting this on your permanent avoid list, would be to actually cave.
    Next Step: Time to person-up. Use your words. Share your feelings. Before you do anything stupid, say what you mean– chances are any stupid idea attracts a swarm of naysayers just ready to buzz. Speak up. Others will follow.
  2. Your Values Say NO!!!! It’s a good idea in theory, but something about your values say “no.”
    Next Step: Listen to your heart… with an open mind. If it’s a real values clash– say so, and then be open to further explaining your rationale or removing yourself from the scene.
  3. You’re Annoyed: But it’s got to be done. We all have tasks that drive us crazy, but sometimes you’ve just got to do them.
    Next Step: Resist the urge to save them all for later. Knock out a few such tasks early in the day while you’re fresh.
  4. You’re Scared: Perhaps you’re afraid of screwing it up. Or maybe you’re worried about what others will think.
    Next Step: Consider what’s the worst thing that could happen. Chances are it’s not as bad as you think.
  5. You’re Stuck: You really don’t know what to do next
    Next Step: Ask yourself the Winning Well secret bonus question, “What would you do if you did know?” Let go of the pressure and brainstorm possible solutions with confidence.

We all have tasks we would rather avoid…. but when you can develop the discipline to know what must be done, and make it happen, you boost your energy and confidence for your Winning Well mission.

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Your turn. What ends up on your “I Don’t Wanna List?” And Why?
Filed Under:   winning well
 
 
Karin Hurt
Karin Hurt
Karin Hurt helps leaders around the world achieve breakthrough results, without losing their soul. A former Verizon Wireless executive, she has over two decades of experience in sales, customer service, and HR. She was recently named on Inc's list of 100 Great Leadership Speakers, AMA's 50 Leaders to Watch in 2015, & Top Thought Leader in Trust by Trust Across America. She’s the author of 2 books: Winning Well: A Manager's Guide to Getting Results-Without Losing Your Soul and Overcoming an Imperfect Boss.
 

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What People Are Saying

David Dye   |   06 July 2016   |   Reply

Great list Karin :)

As a partial inspiration of this post, I would add that often, when we feel that first twinge of “I don’t wanna” about a task…that this is often the most important thing we can prioritize. Unless it’s in conflict with our mission or values, avoiding these tasks makes them bigger and scarier and the more we avoid them, the more we erode our self confidence.

Karin Hurt   |   06 July 2016   |   Reply

David, So very true…. you mean like getting your oil changed?

Mark Wayland   |   06 July 2016   |   Reply

Thanks Karen. In my experience more people are unconsciously affected by #4 – You’re Scared – before any of the others.

In fact dealing successfully with this risk aversion (or worse, the possibility of being socially blamed for “screwing it up”) allows the other 4 to be considered in a more rational/ less emotional context.

zafarmanzoor   |   09 July 2016   |   Reply

Great post. All 5 biggest reasons are realistic and true. But 5 “Next Steps” are fantastic and provide a logical solution.
Zafarmanzoor, Sr. Executive, Pakistan.