I wasn’t going to weigh in on Marissa Mayer’s choice to take a 2 week maternity leave, because quite frankly, I’m conflicted. I know the choices I’ve made (and continue to make) as a working mom leave some of my friends scratching their heads. “Why would she want to travel like that?” “All this time working on that book can’t be good for her kids.” Sometimes they say it, sometimes I just see it in their eyes, or hear it as subtext to their question, “oh where are you off to this week?”
So I’m a bit in the camp of “who are we to judge?” But then again moms and dads at Yahoo and elsewhere will watch her actions more than her policies and take notes about what it takes to get ahead. Just as my team (then) and you (now) watch mine.
But when I got this note from an LGL tribe member I realized the topic was worth bringing to our community for insights. And that avoiding the subject because of my own discomfort was weak. #notconfidentorhumble
Hope you’re doing well. I was very sorry to hear of the passing of your mother. I lost my father earlier this year.
My purpose for getting in touch is because there seems to be a pretty good buzz going on regarding women and executive roles lately with Yahoo’s CEO, Marissa Mayer’s announcement to take only 14 days off after the birth of her twins. I could not think of a better person to ask about this. Not that I’m planning for children but there very well could be a number of young women who are on the fast track to executive leadership, yet also desire to have a family. Ultimately, it’s not anyone’s place to judge this woman, but there doesn’t seem to be any doubt that her decisions will influence potentially thousands of young women’s future career pathing.
What I found interesting about the article I have referenced below is that there is no mention of the role her husband plays / will play in their family unit.
What say you?
So I offer you my initial response, and then a bit more. I’d love for you to weigh in.
My Initial Quick Response
I’m sorry to hear about your father. It’s hard.
Wow. That’s a great article. I agree with what’s said there. It’s also really audacious to assume everything is going to go perfectly well and that nothing will change.
I did come back a bit early from my maternity leave due to some crazy circumstances at work (I had planned to take 3 months and took 2), but quite frankly, I’m not the hangout with a baby all day type ;-) I’ve made choices that I know make other mothers cringe, like the kind of travel I’ve done at various points in my career. So I think it really has a lot to do with personal choice. In my case, I have a very supportive husband who really does his share of the parenting. I know many female execs for whom the dad is the stay at home parent.
For me it’s about seasons. If I can pull it off time wise. I might try to get this out on the blog for our LGL community to weigh in. See Seasons, Messy, and Doing the Best You Can
After deeper consideration
It was a debate my mom and I had for years often resorting to tears on both sides. She had some regrets of time she took off to raise kids, and yet gave me a good bit of grief early on about my choices. We agreed on one aspect of this topic–raising kids is a vitally important job which moms and dads need to take seriously. We had different approaches. In her final months as she reflected on her life for a video at her church she shared, “I look back at my life and I’m so grateful that my children are all significant human beings raising other significant human beings.”
It’s true. Her sacrifice made a huge difference in who we became and are becoming. On the surface I did it radically differently. My sister took a middle road. I feel confident that both of us carried forward the investment legacy the best we could muster and are supporting one another in the process.
I’m probably channelling mom, here (I hope so). Part of me worries for Marissa, that she may later regret what she’s missed. One thing I do know is that the life YOU build you live with. Corporations, are well… not people. You might just sacrifice a lot to find out something out of your control screws up your plan.
What I do know from both my mother and my experiences is that you reap what you sow. Not just for women but for any human investing in other human beings. Whether you are working to invest as a parent, friend, volunteer, or leader your focus and effort matters. If you’re going to go the high-intensity-career route, you DO need a pit crew. Not mentioning who’s helping to me seems like a miss.
P.S. My Dad (a HUGE player in our pit crew) and Sebastian hung out while Marcus and I travelled to Oregon on a well-needed reconnect and for this shoot. Investing in your relationship is such an important part of being a healthy parenting team.
P.S.S. I know my posting has been spotty this week. I apologize. I had the final edits due to the AMACOM editor book converge with the timing of my trip to Oregon to film my multi-media course (can’t wait to show you the previews!) AND a last minute keynote on the 7 roles of a highly engaging manager (which was a blast) thrown in.. and yes the husband reconnecting. It’s been quite a wonderful and busy week. Namaste.
Here’s a little postcard. If you’re a parent-leader and have not downloaded my free Parent’s Guide to Leadership, I offer more perspective.