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Disclosure in Leadership? The Benefits and Risks of Showing Up Real post image

If you are like most leaders, you are concerned about your image and your brand. You want to show up strong, confident, and worthy of being followed. But what happens when you’re not feeling strong? What happens when life throws you curve balls to juggle on top of your leadership? What’s the risk of disclosure? What’s the risk of keeping things hidden? In full disclosure, I share a story of disclosure and how keeping things buried can backfire or not.

A Story of Non-Disclosure

I had just been promoted to my first big leadership position in HR, concurrent with a significant merger. All the players were new, I had a new boss, a new team, and new senior leaders to impress. Because life sometimes works out messy, I also was going through a divorce and trying to pick up the pieces in a new life, in a new home, as a single mom. The job required substantial travel to Manhattan and I lived in Baltimore.

One of first tasks in my new role was to build a Diversity strategy. We gathered a fantastic team representing each business unit, and were making great progress creating strategy and programs. I felt great about the relationship I had with this team and the work we were doing was vital.

And then this happened.

One day a women from my Diversity Council burst into my office, pointed her finger at me and yelled, “you are a fraud!” I couldn’t imagine what she was talking about and I was deeply hurt by the remark from this trusted teammate. She went on “I came by your office yesterday when you weren’t here and saw the pictures. They are all of you and your son–no Dad. You lead all these meetings where we work on programs to make it easier for single moms and NOT ONE TIME do you mention that you are one. What else aren’t you sharing?”

Yikes.

The truth is, I had been very deliberate about keeping that hidden. Even my new boss did not know what I was going through. I had heard enough discussion about the concept of “single moms” needing extra care and support so they could come to work on time and not call out sick when their kids were sick. I thought, I’m not like that. I’m a different kind of single mom, I’m an executive. I’d better just keep all this to myself. Oh really?

I began checking around with some other folks on the council. One gay man said, “Karin, you work so hard to get to know us as people and we love that. But, we are starting to wonder about you. You know all about us, but we know nothing about you.”

Clearly, my lack of disclosure had backfired.

Or had it?

Would I have been promoted in the midst of a merger with all new players if my new lifestyle had been part of the conversation? Or, would someone wonder if the “timing was just not right” and the “position really needed to be in NY.”

I will never know.

Footnote: Althought that was a lifetime ago, and I am now happily married with 2 children, I learned a great deal from that experience. I now chose to lead with more transparency.

What’s the right amount of disclosure? What’s the right balance of protecting your brand and being authentic.

What disclosure is good exposure?

This week, I address the issue of trust and authenticity from various angles.. I hope you will tune in to join the conversation.

Filed Under:   Authenticity & Transparency
 
 
Karin Hurt
Karin Hurt
Karin Hurt is a keynote speaker, leadership consultant, and MBA professor. A former Verizon Wireless executive, she has over two decades of experience in sales, marketing, customer service, and human resources. Named as a top 100 Thought Leader in Trustworthy Business Behavior, Karin helps leaders improve business results by building deeper trust and connection with their teams. She knows the stillness of a yogi, the reflective road of a marathoner and the joy of being a mom raising emerging leaders. Ultimately, it's about Confident Humility.
 

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What People Are Saying

marcus   |   08 October 2012   |   Reply

Another challenging post. Thank you.
I think that my view of an excellent leader is one that you want to know more about. One that you know has a remarkable backstory but you don’t see the dirty details. As you work with them over time and through difficult projects you are let in and begin to share of yourself and learn about them.
So lead as you would date. Don’t give all your secrets away up front, but be willing to share more as you get to know those you work with.

marcus   |   08 October 2012   |   Reply

Sharing of yourself as a leader and being more human seems to have two distinct categories; sharing of your personal life and sharing about business decisions.
I think it is best to share as much as you can about business decisions. It develops team members and empowers them to work toward larger business goals.
Personal sharing seems more of an individual choice.

Greg Marcus   |   09 October 2012   |   Reply

Karin, thanks for sharing this story. I have been thinking about it all day. In my opinion, you did the right thing in keeping your personal affairs private. No one is obliged to share their personal information, especially if they have reason to believe that it could hurt their career. And it sounds like you had a legitimate concern.

I can also understand why you were hurt by the comments of your teammate as well. I suspect you would have preferred to have been working in a “safe” environment where it would have been ok to tell your boss. But if your company had that culture, the diversity program you were leading would not have been needed. But what company in those days did?

It takes a while to get from A to B, and it is only in the last year or two that woman are being more open about the ability to do the job and be a mom. I think by sharing your story today, you are helping to create the world we all would like to be living in.

Greg Marcus
http://idolbuster.com

letsgrowleaders   |   09 October 2012   |   Reply

Wow, Greg… i am deeply touched and humbled by your comment. Thank you for caring so deeply and thinking about this topic. I know you are doing a lot of great research and writing on similar issues. I do think things have gotten better over the last decade with more acceptance and understanding of diverse situations. As parents we are constantly balancing all the choices we make, since they impact our careers and our families. Now, more than ever, men are also struggling with similar dynamics…