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“But Your Life Looks So Perfect on Facebook” post image

I just got off the phone with an old friend. She had several important concerns weighing on her heart. We talked about them for a while, and then she shared:

“You know I was talking to another friend about this and she said, “but your life looks so perfect on Facebook.”

I took a quick look at her Facebook page. Of course it did. It’s Facebook. Who wants to put their troubles out there for the world to see? All those great pics are absolutely true. Much in her life is fantastic. And, like every single one of us, other parts are messy.

So What’s This Got To Do With Leadership?

As leaders we work hard to present a “together” image. How this shows up varies on the organization, context and culture.

Maybe it’s…

  • the right shoes
  • perfectly organized meetings
  • perfectly put together wardrobes
  • perfectly polished speeches
  • stories of how your bold career moves worked out just right
  • an office full of awards
  • happy pictures of your happy family
  • ?

I’ll pause here to let you fill in the blank for your world. What is your organization’s equivalent to “looking good on Facebook.”

The truth is, you are also messy. I am also messy. Every member of your team is messy. Life is messy.

We want to believe our leaders have it all together.

We are inspired to think that “perfect” is achievable.

“Perfect” can also be intimidating.

Beyond the “Facebook” Fantasy

What if you…

  • Shared a bit more of your real journey?
  • Anticipated the angst your team members must have in their lives?
  • Made it okay to show up real.
  • Make it safe for your team to talk about the angst?
  • Don’t hold “it” against them.
  • ?
What’s the danger in appearing too perfect?
Filed Under:   Authenticity & Transparency
 
 
Karin Hurt
Karin Hurt
Karin Hurt is a keynote speaker, leadership consultant, and MBA professor. A former Verizon Wireless executive, she has over two decades of experience in sales, marketing, customer service, and human resources. Named as a top 100 Thought Leader in Trustworthy Business Behavior, Karin helps leaders improve business results by building deeper trust and connection with their teams. She knows the stillness of a yogi, the reflective road of a marathoner and the joy of being a mom raising emerging leaders. Ultimately, it's about Confident Humility.
 

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What People Are Saying

ecdingler   |   28 January 2013   |   Reply

On the back of our staff shirts a few years ago we had this printed on them.

We May Not Have It All Together, But Together We Have It All.

Staff still refer to that quote from time to time.

Be honest and transparent as a leader helps your team feel safe to approach you. The danger in appearing too perfect…you’ll scare away creative thinkers and you’ll intimidate the one who needs to ask an important question.

Karin Hurt   |   28 January 2013   |   Reply

Eric, what a great slogan for your shirts. That also sent such a great message to your campers. What will they say this summer?

ecdingler   |   28 January 2013   |  

No idea yet. We will craft the shirt during staff training in May. I’ve discovered that the staff are 2000% more likely to wear a shirt outside of camp they design vs a shirt I design. They are also always very creative.

Steve Borek   |   28 January 2013   |   Reply

I think leaders refrain from showing constituents their real self because they’ll be perceived as vulnerable. Even weak.

Vulnerability and humility are the greatest qualities of Level 5 leaders, according to Jim Collins in “Good to Great.”

Followers will run through a brick wall for a leader that’s humble.

p.s. Feeling a little under the weather this Monday morning. Send me some good karma to make this a 12 hour bug. ;-p

letsgrowleaders   |   28 January 2013   |   Reply

Steve, hope you feel better.

okolie kenneth   |   28 January 2013   |   Reply

Its great to let your followers know your also Human and not superman, that you face similar challanges like they do and you even make mistakes, this has a way of encouraging your followers to be the best they can be, and not be depressed when they fall below their set standards but to learn their lessons and move on. Their is no perfect Leader anywhere, we r all a huge work ɪ̣̝̇π Progress.

letsgrowleaders   |   28 January 2013   |   Reply

Kenneth, So great to have you join the conversation with your insights. Agreed. Showing up a bit more human creates connection…and makes leadership feel more achievable for those aspiring to bigger roles.

Scott M.   |   28 January 2013   |   Reply

Just another great example of how leaders can continue to have leadership training. I really like that t-shirt slogan too, Eric. :)

letsgrowleaders   |   28 January 2013   |   Reply

Scott, thanks so much for enhancing the conversation. yes, leadership is teachable!