The 3 Gifts: Grateful for Growing

They say “feedback is a gift,” but much of the time it does not feel that way.

So, what was different this time?

It was a cool, crisp night. The warmth of the make-shift spotlight was both frightening and friendly as I stood ready to give my final speech at the SCORRE conference. Frightening because my own expectations were high, and I knew the feedback would be deep, direct, and dead on. Friendly, because any feedback would be delivered with generosity and compassion.

I had come to this conference to hone my speaking. What I had not anticipated was how much I would learn from experiencing and watching the coaches coach. By the third day, I began taking as many notes on  how the coaches were giving feedback as to what they were saying.

What was it about their approach that made it both compelling and easy to hear?

Why was I so thirsty for more?

How was it that my group full of experienced speakers were transforming into magnificent motivators before my eyes?

and mostly…

What could these coaches teach me about giving better feedback?

Tonight I write to you not from the perspective of a leader growing leaders, but of a leader being grown. And so I re-gift the wisdom I gained from experiencing great feedback, and watching others do the same.

The Gift of Discovery

Focus on the behaviors to get to root cause.

Why did her eyes keep looking above the audience, what was she afraid of?

Why did he keep stumbling on the same words, perhaps he didn’t believe them?

What is the real message? What story lies underneath? How can THAT message be shared?

The Gift of Becoming

Focus on hidden strengths

What is her real passion and how do we draw it out?

What are the deeper gifts lying dormant? How can we get them on stage?

When is he brave? How can we translate that to this context?

The Gift of Letting Go

Give permission to discard

Who told him he wasn’t good at _____? Why does he still believe them?

What image is she trying to uphold? Why does she need it?

What old patterns keep joining her on stage? What can we put in their place?

Time To Re-Gift

When feedback is truly a gift, it feels like one not. Because it is sandwiched between snuggly fluff, but because it gets us further along our journey to what we are becoming.

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Posted in Authenticity & Transparency and tagged , , , , , , .

Karin Hurt

Karin Hurt, is CEO of Let’s Grow Leaders and a former Verizon Wireless executive. Karin was named on Inc.’s list of 100 Great Leadership Speakers for Your Next Conference, the American Management Association List of 50 Leaders to Watch, and as a Trust Across America Top Thought Leader in Trust. She’s the award-winning author of two books, Winning Well: A Manager’s Guide to Getting Results— Without Losing Your Soul, and Overcoming an Imperfect Boss. She’s regularly featured in business publications including Fast Company, Entrepreneur, and Inc.

12 Comments

  1. As a coach, I ask questions vs. giving feedback. I don’t care for the “F” word.

    For example. Let’s say someone showed their nervousness while giving a speech. Ask them a question about their performance. “I sensed you were unsettled during your talk. What was that about?” Or, “What can you do next time to feel confident?”

    By asking a question, I put the emergence of a new solution back in the lap of the one looking to improve.

  2. I’m starting to think you and I value the same things in coaching/developing people. (And a few of them I’d like to discuss in further conversation) Let me just add though that it is always easier to coach people who are ready to receive.

    The “F” word alone, without direction or movement, is always dangerous…no matter which “F” word you mean!!

  3. Blessed are those who get to work with/for you and be encouraged by you. Glad you and Mr. Fletcher will be further in touch. Keep soaking up and living into all he and Sarah shared with you.

  4. Pingback: Grateful Gone Missing? In Search of Gratitude

  5. Pingback: Developing Leadership Qualities in Kids

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